Not that she would have put it that way.

It had been a quiet few days, and the crew, even the captain, were all making the most of it.  They'd fallen into a routine of constantly being alert and tense lately.  It was great to be able to relax for once.

Jon had closed his eyes and tilted his head back slightly.  He looked every bit the captain in repose, and it made Trip feel slightly mischievous.  Nothing like catching Jon unawares.  What could he do?  He thought about it for a few minutes, then smiled slightly.  He tried to imagine the captain's response to his upcoming question, and managed to keep himself from laughing out loud.

Jon shifted, opening his eyes and reaching for his wine glass.  Trip grinned amiably while he watch Jon drink, then judged the moment right to ask,

"So, Jon, what do you think:  Is Malcolm a top or a bottom?"

He moved to the side just in time to miss the wine that came spraying out of Jon's mouth.  The man choked and coughed, and Trip bit his tongue to keep a straight face.  "You ok there?"

Jon glared at him.  "Did you just ask me what I think you asked me?"  He carefully wiped wine droplets from his chin.

"Yes, sir.  I asked you whether you thought--"

Jon waved at him to stop.  "I don't need to hear it again, thank you.  And Trip - I've no interest in speculating about the sexual activities of my crew."

God, the man could be so uptight sometimes.  It made him want to push harder.  "Really?  Don't you ever wonder?   Malcolm's so tight-laced it's hard to imagine him doin' the nasty with anyone. He can barely speak to people without using their ranks.   But the way he an' Travis have been saunterin' around lately, it's pretty obvious somethin' pretty hot is going on in their quarters."  He paused slightly, and dipped his voice down, "Somethin' pretty hot in their pants."

Jon was obviously struggling between laughter and scolding.  "I hadn't realised you had such a prurient mind, Commander."

"You sound like T'Pol when you put it that way."

"Perhaps her logic would be useful right about now."

Trip wrinkled his nose.  "I was just wonderin'.   Not like I think about it all the time.  Anyway, you gotta admit that I surprised you."

"Pfft.  I have enough surprises on this ship."

"Uh-huh."

"I rely on my officers to show common sense."

"Really?"

"Yes.  I don't think that includes idle conversations about the private lives of other people.  Particularly when those other people are members of the bridge crew."

Trip smirked.  "You're gonna be thinking about this every time you see them on the bridge now, aren't you, Jon?  At least for the next couple of days."  He laughed at the faint blush on Jon's face.  The man was so easy to wind up sometimes.

"No."

"I think you are."

"I think I will be concentrating on appropriate ship functions.  I have no need to wonder about Travis and Malcolm's sexual roles."  Jon sat completely upright.  "And, on the topic of the ship, don't you think it's time we checked the phase cannons?  Malcolm reminded me that it has been a while since they were installed.  I think a maintenance check and possible retrofits are in order."

It always amazed Trip how easily Jon could switch on the role of captain.  It was probably one of the reasons Starfleet had chosen him in the first place.  Pushing aside thoughts of teasing his friend, Trip discussed the maintenance schedule for the phase cannons.  After a little while, the captain stood and thanked him for dinner, then walked towards the door.  Trip remained seated, finishing off the last of his wine and planning his engineering schedule.

He heard the door slide open behind him as the captain walked out.  He was surprised when, a moment later, Jon reentered.

"Oh, and Trip?"

"Hmmm?"

"You can stop speculating.  Malcolm mentioned that he and Travis switch off.  He said, and I quote 'That top and bottom stuff is a load of bunk.  I pity the poor fools who limit themselves that way. Sir.' Just don't tell him I told you."  Jon winked down at him, then turned and strode back out the door.

He stared at the door for a moment, his mouth slightly open, then started laughing.

Note:  Inspired by recent discussion of top/bottom.  Just something quick I thought of this morning.  No beta.