No Holding Back

by Riley Cannon

What I want to happen when Chris comes back, among a whole lot of other things, is for Toby to love him unabashedly, and not give a damn about what anyone thinks. In response to a challenge issued by Grackle on the Twisted Sisterhood list, prior to the start of S5.


Toby looked up from his book, noticing the library was deserted -- almost, he amended, smiling as his gaze fell on Chris still intent on his book. An opportunity like this was too good and too rare to let it slip by and Toby had some reason to believe he might be a teensy bit more interesting to his partner than -- he tilted his head a little to check out the title and author -- E.M. Forster's 'Maurice.' Hmmm....

Glancing around again, Toby put his mystery novel down (he'd been 99.9% certain how it turned out since back in chapter five anyway) and scooted his chair closer, until his thigh was pressed against Chris'. Blue eyes flicked a quick sideways glance at him and then focused even more studiously on the page he was reading -- the page he seemed to be taking a very long time to read as Toby cupped the nape of his neck, fingers lightly caressing, brushing up through his short, dark hair.

"That's a good book," he said, pitching his voice low.

"Uh-huh." Chris caught his breath for a moment as Toby's fingers stroked over that spot, right there, where ear and jaw met.

"What part are you up to?" Toby leaned in closer, flicking the tip of his tongue against Chris' ear.

"Uhm," Chris frowned, trying hard to concentrate, "the, oh geez, Tobe... the part where Alec comes through the window."

"Yeah?" Toby flicked again, smiling at the result. "That's a good part."

"Doesn't, uhm, really get into the nitty gritty details, though..." Chris trailed off with a little sigh as Toby's hand ran along the inside of his thigh, cupping his crotch. "Tob..."

"Shh," Toby breathed against his ear, squeezing gently. "Did you ever see the movie?"

Chris tilted his head a little, giving Toby better access to his throat, groaning softly as his lover took advantage of that, licking, pressing soft, sucking kisses along the strong column. "What, uh," Chris licked his lips, "what movie?"

"Of that story," Toby said, working the zipper of Chris' pants down.

"Huh-uh. Any good?"

"Pretty good," Toby began hiking up Chris' white tee, "although I doubt I fully appreciated it all at the time." He stroked his hand up Chris' belly, curving his palm over the swell of pectoral muscle, feeling the hard little nipple poking between his fingers. "Would you come through my window?"

"In a fucking heartbeat," Chris murmured, trying to bite back a moan as Toby bent his head and ran his tongue over the nipple. "Jesus Christ, Toby..." He threaded his fingers through the golden hair, pulling a little as Toby lapped and sucked. "What if someone comes in?"

Toby rubbed his cheek against Chris' other nipple. "Fuck 'em," he said, sitting up and reaching for Chris, pulling him into a kiss -- soft little nibbles along his bottom lip first, tracing the curves of the upper with his tongue, giving into Chris' soft, wordless pleas and kissing him full on the mouth. If it bought him a trip to the hole, he didn't a shit. He wasn't hiding from this anymore, wasn't denying Chris ever again. Those long, empty months without him -- not hearing his voice, not catching sight of him across the room, not being able to touch him and hold him close to his heart had left him aching with a soul-deep hurt. A familiar enough companion, true, and in a way that had helped him finally see the truth, see it and acknowledge it. Only this time there hadn't been anyone to hold him in the night and tell him he wasn't all alone.

Most enlightening of all had been the realization that had come to him on one of those endless nights, had been that he hurt as much for Chris so far away, with no one to hold him when visions of hellfire plagued his sleep. No one to touch him, to tell him he wasn't alone, to tell him that someone cared.

So much fucking time wasted, he thought, kissing Chris's mouth, his cheeks, just enfolding the strong body in his arms and holding him tight. He'd vowed it would be different -- as soon as he'd been able to think straight after Sister Pete had dropped her little bombshell of an announcement, 'Tobias, Chris is coming back.'

He was here, and Toby could love him, and nothing was ever coming between them again -- not Schillinger, not Said -- 'Be strong, my brother, don't let Keller get to you again,' Said had urged, still not getting it, never fucking getting it, and Toby was past giving a damn if he ever did.

He looked into Chris' eyes, thumbs brushing along his cheekbones. "I love you," speaking it as a vow, kissing his lips.

Blue eyes gazed back at him with an almost comical mix of perplexed delight, even as those beautiful, long-fingered hands framed his face, one combing back through his hair. Chris had worn some variation of that expression a lot in these past few days and Toby had grown to adore it. He wished that his loving Chris back didn't come as any kind of surprise, but it warmed him right through to know Chris felt the truth of it now.

"I love you, Toby," Chris whispered it back, like a confession, nuzzling against Toby's cheek, their noses bumping together as he sought Toby's mouth for another long kiss, tongues sliding together. He was pulling Toby's black polo shirt loose, one hand slipping underneath to caress along his back, fingertips tracing each bump along the ridge of spine. "God," he breathed against Toby's ear, "it feels so good to touch you."

"Feels good to touch you, too, baby," Toby murmured back, pulling away a just a bit and smiling impishly at his lover's uncertain expression as he slid to the floor between Chris' legs.


"Shh," Toby reassured him. "It'll be fine." And if they got caught it would still be worth it -- well, unless some asshole got the idea they should be separated in which case Toby would manipulate every ounce of guilt he could squeeze out of how Vern had been free to rape him and brand his ass, with no one ever troubling to notice. That always worked like a fucking charm.

He slipped his hand into Chris' pants, his boxers, freeing his cock and applying his lips and tongue with diligent attention to detail, the flutter of Chris' stomach muscles, the not-so-soft moans singing in his ears as Toby ran his tongue along the full length, lapping at the base, sucking the balls, gliding back up to run his tongue around the crown, darting along the slit -- a strong hand gripping the back of his neck and pulling him up for a kiss, Chris' tongue swiping around his lips, his mouth, tasting himself, before letting Toby get back to business.

"Does that feel good, baby?" Toby said.

"Shut up and suck me," Chris growled, tugging his head down a little impatiently.

Toby laughed, flicked his tongue over Chris' belly button, then opened his mouth wide and took Chris inside, fingers digging into the world's most perfect ass as he sucked and licked, eagerly obeying the commands to do it harder, faster, about ready to come himself as he felt his lover peaking, spilling into his mouth.

"Oh, Christ... Toby... " Chris pulled him up, kissing his mouth, pushing him to sit on the table. And Toby was in no condition to protest as his pants were opened, his erection freed and enveloped in Chris' warm, wet mouth. All he could do was sink down on the table, propped on his elbows and watching Chris' head moving up and down, pleasure curling through him at every swipe of tongue or lips. It didn't take nearly long enough before he felt himself coming, hands gripping Chris' head as his lover drank him down, leaving him spent and collapsing across the table.

"Jesus...fucking....Christ..." He could just about gasp that much, watching through lowered lids as Chris tucked him back in and fastened him up.

"You gonna be all right, Toby?" Chris asked, smile a smug as he tidied himself up as well.

Toby managed to prop himself a little. "Some day I'm going to reduce you to a quivering puddle," he vowed, letting himself be tugged forward, strong arms embracing him, pulling him off the table to straddle Chris' lap.

"I'm looking forward to it," Chris said as they wrapped their arms around each other, kissing again.

Someone cleared their throat, loudly, and Toby raised his head to aim a lazy look over at Said. "Yeah?" Getting no reply beyond a stern look of outrage, he gave Chris a loud, wet smack on the cheek and got out of his lap, pulling Chris with him. "Come on, I'll tell you how 'Maurice' turns out," he said as they passed by Said.


"Said -- just do us both a favor and save your breath, okay?" If giving up the person you loved was what it took to make you righteous -- screw it. He'd be damned before he'd deny Chris ever again.

--the end--

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