Can I Hug You?

by Rifka

Title: Can I Hug You?

Author: Rifka

Rated: G it's just a kid talking

Posted: TSXF
Disclaimers: Lets see, we heard mention of Harry, then we heard nothing. Then we heard about him again. But...he had more to say. More than Tom talked about him anyway.

Notes: I wasn't sure if I was going to post this but Sandra said I couldn't be her Beta if I didn't. This voice came out at the car wash this morning.

I heard one of the men say "He's only 6 and won't understand what death means." I know what it means when they say someone died. I always heard them talking about my brother Gary who died. It would have been nice to have a big brother to play cops & robbers with. They said he was killed by a stranger and that's why I'm supposed to yell "NO!" if a stranger asks me if I want to help him find his lost puppy. But I guess Gary wanted to see his Pokeman cards. I don't play with those. Some of my friends collect them but I don't. Hollie went with the man too but she didn't die.

My mom died too. I was a very little baby so I don't remember her at all. I've seen pictures of her holding me. They have lots of pictures of my mommy and daddy, Gary and my sister, Hollie. I don't know my sister real good. We don't live in the same house. But I talked to her on the phone and emailed her. And I guess she's ok. One time we went to Disneyland and my other grandparents took her there too. I didn't know she would be there. It was good that she came though, so I had someone to go on the rides with. Then Grandma and Grandpa took me on a trip to visit her. We stayed with my other Grandparents that I had only met once before at Disney land. I talked with them on the phone too and they sent me really cool presents for my birthday and Christmas. And sometimes they sent presents for no reason at all. Lots of more really cool presents. Grandma said they were going to spoil me but Grandpa said it was ok if I was spoiled. I'm not sure I know what spoiled really means but it seems ok, 'specially if Grandpa said so.

When we got to the house where Hollie lived, it was this really big huge house and it had really big trees in the front. We had to drive a little bit till we finally got to the house. Then some man in this uniform opened the car doors and said he would take all the luggage in. When we got in the house my other grandma, who I call Grandma X, kept saying that I looked a lot like my daddy. I don't know him either but that's why we came here so I could meet him. They showed me lots of pictures of him when he was a little boy. I suppose we look like each other but maybe only from the eyes to the top of our heads. But I have darker hair, more like in the pictures of my mommy. My daddy has sort of red hair. Grandma X is a little fat but I didn't say that to anyone.

The day I was supposed to meet my daddy, my other grandpa, I call him Grandpa H, well, both grandpas and Hollie were in the car when I finally got in. The grandmas didn't want to go. Grandma X said she would probably see Toby, that's my fathers name, in a few days anyway. And my other grandma didn't say anything, she just shook her head no. So we drove in the car for along time. We stopped once to get Happy Meals and Hollie and I played till both grandpas told us it was time to go. We had to get our hands and faces washed before we got back into the car. And we drove forever and I was getting tired and was getting flutter flies in my stomach. I like to call them that because it feels like something is in there doing flutters. So we finally get to this big scary building. There was these police men that had rifles and the walls had that wire on the top like in some movies. It was real scary.

We parked in the parking lot and I started to cry. I was real scared but Hollie kept saying that it would be ok, she had been here before to see Daddy. Hollie likes Daddy a lot but I don't know him. I said if my Grandma's can wait to see him, so could I. Both of my grandpas talked to me but I couldn't stop crying. I felt like a big baby but I was scared and Hollie wasn't. And she's a girl but she's older than me. So anyway , after they stopped talking, Grandpa H said it was ok, he would go inside and see daddy and tell him that I was scared to come in. He said it would be ok, that Daddy wouldn't be mad. Grandpa H asked Hollie if she was coming and then she started crying, too. Both the grandpas talked to each other and then Grandpa H told Hollie it was ok and Daddy would understand. Grandpa H said he would be back in about an hour.

My sister Hollie and I took a nap but we woke up when Grandpa kept saying "No, No, not again." He looked mad and scared at the same time. He said that we were leaving. Hollie said that we had to wait for Grandpa H but we didn't, we just left. It was real quiet in the car on the way back. Hollie and I looked at each other a few times but we didn't talk. I was still scared. Hollie reached on the seat and took my hand. I let her hold it. It made me feel a little better. When we got back to Hollie's house, grandpa talked to Grandma X and she screamed real loud. It was a scary scream. Grandpa got drinks for both Grandmas and himself and they talked for a long time. They forgot about us until the doorbell rang and then the phone rang a lot. Some other people came over to the house and there were some policemen too.

Someone I don't know took Hollie and me upstairs. We had to take a bath, but not together that would be gross! Then someone else came with a tray of food and we ate. We ate little sandwiches and red jello. Oh, and we had a glass of milk too. Then Grandpa came up and said that Grandma X wasn't feeling good and went to sleep early. He told us that Grandpa H had been hurt very badly when he went in to Oz to see daddy. He said that he was hurt so bad that his heart had stopped. Hollie said, 'He died didn't he?'. Hollie didn't cry but tears were on her face and she asked if daddy was ok. Then she asked if daddy knew that his daddy had died. Grandpa said yes, daddy knew and was very, very sad. He tucked us into bed and we fell asleep real fast.

The next morning I asked Hollie why that place was called Oz. She said she didn't know, that was just its name. I asked her if the Wizard lived there and she started laughing and said 'no, silly' and then she punched my arm. It was a boring day, we had to be quiet. Grandma X still didn't feel good and there were lots and lots of people in that big house. It wasn't real noisy, all the people just sort of whispered a lot. The same thing happened the next day. Grandma and Grandpa that I live with hugged me a lot and asked me if I was ok. I told them I was and that I was just beginning to like Grandpa H. He was a big huge man and sometimes he wore glasses. I was sorry that someone hurt him and he died. I really don't know what I'm supposed to do when someone dies. Grandpa H is the only person that I knew that died. So I know that I will miss him, cause he's gone for good now. They asked me if I wanted to go to the funeral and I said no. I don't really know what that is either and I don't want to know. It doesn't sound like it has anything to do with fun.

It was the same stuff the next day and before we knew it, it was the day that Daddy was going to be here. Hollie was all excited and was telling me that daddy sometimes wrinkled his forehead when he was thinking. So sometimes it was good to be quiet when you saw him do that. She said that he had a real good smile and he hugged her a lot. She said she was sure he would hug me too. I told Hollie I didn't know if I wanted him to hug me because he was a stranger. She said he wouldn't be a stranger for long. She said 'You'll like him, you really will."

Before we knew it, Hollie was running to this man that walked into the room. He looked like the man in some of the pictures but he didn't have as much hair. He bent down and hugged Hollie then he twirled her around and they laughed. When he put her down, he was still holding her hand and she started pulling on his hand. He leaned down to her and she whispered something to him. Then he slowly walked over to me and got down on his knees. I was able to look right into his eyes. He said 'Hi Harry. I'm your daddy but if you want to, you can call me Toby.' I stared at him a while and then I said 'I think I'll call you Daddy cause Hollie does.' He said ok and put out his hand to shake mine like grown up men do. I started laughing and shook his hand. He wrinkled his forehead so I stayed real quiet. The he said, 'Harry, would it be ok if I hugged you, too.'

I looked at Hollie, both Grandma's and Grandpa. Everyone was smiling so I said ' Ok, you can hug me, too.' He got tears in his eyes but he laughed too and then he hugged me. Hollie started clapping her hands and said 'doesn't it feel good when he does that?' and I said that it did and that I wanted to still hug him for a while. And then my new Daddy called Hollie over and he hugged both of us at the same time.

The End


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