The Said He Was Depressed 4/5

by Rifka

Title: They Said He Was Depressed (4/5)

Author: Rifka

Subject Info: Beecher and Keller and some other guests of the state. Chris survives the fall in Season 6, but has a slight problem

Posted to: TS/TSFX

Feedback: yes

Beta and Rhymer: Sandra Obsessed in Seattle

They Said He Was Depressed 4

Chris tried to sleep but the words kept creeping into his head ` I ain't your prag. His pod's upstairs. That's where you supposed to be, with your girlfriend, Beecher.' His belly felt like butterflies were waging a war inside his stomach... with atomic bombs.

They documented `slept well during the noc'. It was an old medical phrase used years ago but some night nurses found it still covered a broad scope. He kept his eyes closed and he drifted off occasionally but he did not sleep well.

Toby was in the gym pounding away at the punching bag. He envisioned Murphy...Kerpow! Take that. And here's one for you... Cunt Claire! How bout this one... Lopresti. That felt just about right but wait, this one...pow! Grunt, Pow! Is for you, Ryan.

He was still pummeling away as Ryan walked in. Where else would he be? The hole?

"Hey Beecher, gettin your rocks off?" he asked.

"What the fuck happened, O'Reily? You were going to watch his back, remember? You told me I had nothing to worry about, remember? I don't know why I even bothered to ask you for help."

"Hold on just a minute, Beecher. You have no right telling me what to do or what I supposedly did wrong. You wanted him out of your life, remember? He took a swan dive because of you, remember? You told him you didn't love him. He was Death or something like that, right? And now all of a sudden you want him safe? What kind of bullshit is that? You guys are still fucked up, ya know that? And now you're going to tell me you still love him and he loves you? I don't think the feeling's mutual anymore, pal."

Toby stood by the punching bag, sweat running down his forehead. As Ryan lectured him he held the bag but suddenly his hands felt as though lead weights had been placed in his fists. His arms dropped and there was a sudden hitch in his breathing.

"Wh...what? Why did you say that? Did Chris say something to you?" Toby asked.

"Think about it, Beecher. Keller's not stupid. Ok, he might not remember things today but what about tomorrow or the next day. Dr. Nathan said his memory will come back. And what are you going to say then? `Chris, I'm sorry?'" Ryan said sarcastically. "Do you think he'll buy it? With all the shit that's gone on with the two of you, have you ever said you're sorry for anything?"

"Ryan...Chris will understand. He took me away from my kids, my family. I was hurt and I...needed to hurt him back. All I said were... words. I didn't push him off that rail. You saw what happened." Toby said as he still tried to convince himself.

"All I know is right now he's laying in that hospital bed, wounded like some animal. I can see it in his eyes. I know him pretty well Beecher and he's hurting in more ways than one."

"You don't know that for sure."

"Listen to yourself, Beecher. Wake up, man!" Ryan sighed as he continued. "Anyway, Dr. Nathan said she was keeping him overnight for observation because he was still dizzy from hitting his head and that surgery he had. She said you could probably visit him in the morning."

"Probably?" Beecher asked.

"I ain't his doctor, Beech. You'll have to check with her in the morning. He didn't seem to be in any pain, just sort of dazed, ya know?"

"I can imagine."

"Can you? I gotta go. It's gonna be light's out soon. Hey, I'll see ya at breakfast, right?"

"Yeah." Beecher whispered.

`Damn, I shouldn't have said all that shit to Beecher.' "Fuck!" Ryan yelled as soon as his pod door closed for the night.

Even though Tobias Beecher missed dinner he didn't feel the slightest bit hungry. He had showered after working out in the gym, and the hot water helped relax him, a little. His shoulders and neck felt very tight and he knew a headache with his name on it was just around the corner. `Chris could be in here right now rubbing my neck and rubbing my...' Toby just sighed and shook his head no.

His current reading material, `At The Entrance to the Garden of Eden' by Halevi was lying on the top bunk, the page marked with a bookmark made by Cyril O'Reily. In order to protect it he had wrapped the bookmark in a piece of plastic wrap that Ryan had ripped off from the cafeteria. Ryan's younger brother had drawn a picture of Nooter on a piece of cardboard taken from a box in the cafeteria supply room. Cyril had told him he made it "So you won't forget what page you're on when you put the book down." Toby still read many books about Jews, Christians, and Muslims as he continued his pursuit of uniting his beliefs with that of Said's. Toby knew what he wanted to feel inside but he still hadn't reached his own Nirvana. He questioned the existence of a God when so many of the people he loved were tragically taken from him.

The Beecher's tried to give their son a solid religious foundation but his soul was restless. He wished Said were still alive so he could talk to him. Said had a way of grounding his followers; on the other hand talking with Said didn't always work out the way he anticipated. In fact, the Imam would probably ask Beecher why he still had this `thing' with Keller. How could he explain that he loved him with all his heart? That this `thing' never went away?

Boosting himself on to the top bunk, he opened the book but before he began to read he started some slow deep breathing to relax. When he thought he was relaxed enough to concentrate he began. But before he knew it he suddenly realized he'd read the same page over and over again and his mind went into overdrive.

`I feel like some damn dog. Someone's locked me in a kennel and won't let me go home. Murphy won't let me play at my master's feet, not that my master remembers me. And now Ryan just spanked me with a rolled up newspaper.' Toby laughed at the absurdity of the whole thing.

The door to his pod opened.

"Everything OK in here, Beecher?" Murphy hesitantly asked.

Toby shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, me and my fleas are doing great all by ourselves."

"I just checked on Keller," Murphy offered. Fleas? He didn't even want to ask.

" he ok?"

"Yeah, he's asleep. He complained of a slight headache and being dizzy, but yeah, he's ok." Murphy tried to reassure him.

"Good. At least someone's doing ok and at least someone is sleeping." He ungenerously answered back.

"You can probably see him in the morning. Dr. Nathan said you could." Murphy didn't like the grin on Beecher's face; a grinning Beecher alone in his pod was not a good sign.

"So, do you think you'll want to see Keller in the morning? I could make a note of it now so Mineo will know when his shift starts. " Murphy asked him.

Beecher threw his hands up and said, "Sure, why not?"

"Well, if you change your mind, you let one of us know, ok?" Murphy said. "You need to talk or anything, Beecher? You look like you gotta lot on your mind."

"Talking is what got me into this latest mess. Thanks, but no." Toby resolutely answered.

"Whadya mean he doesn't want to see Keller?" Tim bellowed into the phone. The C.O. had placed the call to McManus after he left Beecher's cell.

"I didn't say he didn't want to see him, I said I didn't think he was going to see him in the morning." Murphy tried clarifying himself.

"Well, why the hell call me if you aren't sure? Jeez Sean, maybe if he thinks on it he'll go see him."

"That's what I'm worried about. Beecher thinking. I mean he's got all this time between now and the morning."

"Oh, Jesus, this is all I fucking need! Who knows what that head of his will come up with! Look, just...keep an eye on him. Let me put a call in to Sister Pete."

"So nice to be home in my kennel,

With no one to bug me but fleas.

Hope no one visits; hope no one calls,

Cause I'll bite them on their knees."

Toby was repeating his little ditty ad nauseum when the whoosh! of his pod door opened and someone dressed in aqua colored scrubs stepped into the room, followed by Murphy.

"Holy shit, now what? I didn't invite you." Toby said, tilting his head to the side.

"Yeah, well listen Toby. Sr. Pete was worried about you since what happened this afternoon with Keller and..."

"Happened, what happened?" Murphy took a little step back. "Well, let's not worry about that right now. Sr. Pete wants you take this pill."

"What kind of pill?"

"Jeez, Beecher, I don't know, just take the damn thing." Murphy ordered Toby looked at the medication sitting in the palm of his hand; it was a pink oval shaped tablet that was scored down the middle. He sighed, cupped his hand to his mouth, drank the water and swallowed it.

"Now try and get some sleep, Beecher. And no more singing!"

"Take your pill and go to sleep

Murphy don't want to hear another peep

Sleep little fleas, sleep in a heap

Keller don't love you; Keller's gonna leap"

"Beecher, I said no more. Now, I've tried being nice. Don't make me use this." He pointed to his nightstick.

"Take the pill, Beecher

Take it from Murphy

Murphy won't hurt you.

He wouldn't hurt a flea"

"Oh, for the love of Pete. Shut the fuck up, Beecher!" Murphy said as he exited the cell.

"Toby's in the kennel

Rapping with the fleas

Murphy's getting pissy

Gonna bring me to my knees"


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