Everytime I Look At You

by Rifka

Title: Every Time I Look at You
Author Rifka
Subject Info As Vern Schillinger goes about his business in Oz, we get a peek inside his head. Originally posted Lyric Wheel
Song Title and Artist Everytime I Look at You by Kiss by KISS
Lyrics Provided by Beth AKA Strutter
Feedback Yes

OK, I guess I'm no longer a virgin at this writing stuff. I read these lyrics and it screamed B/K. But along came Vern, demanding to be heard. He knocked Chris on his ass and Toby's kissing his owies trying to get him to stand up. No offense intended to the great Willie Nelson.


I'm in Em City doing the mail run. Horseshit! Get the fuck away from me White. I told you there's no mail for you. Why don't you go find McManus and pull his chain for awhile. I barely look over the envelopes in my hand. Searching. There he is. Beecher. Each and every time I look at you, I..I just can't describe what you've done to me. You were my Prag for fucks sake... Once a prag always a prag.....or so the saying goes. You've changed, sweetpea. Man have you've changed. You're no longer my Beech Ball, all doughy and dumb. Yeah, dumb. I used to think no one was dumber than James Robson. Hell, he's never had a thought of his own. Just follow what the doctrine of the Brotherhood tells him to do. Lived his whole life that way. And I thought you would do the same. I mean, not necessarily the brotherhood doctrine, but my doctrine. What happened? Where did I go wrong? I could have had it made. Shit, I did have it made. You were mine. Yes you were... you lying piece of shit.

Look at you sitting there at that table, playing cards with O'Reilly, Keller, Hill, and Busmalis. What the fuck are you guys laughing at? Miss Sally? You don't belong with them. I walk around here, I see what's going on. Watching everything that happens, everything that's said, a gesture here, a gang sign there. I keep thinking, hell I know you don't belong with this group of trash. Mixing of the races. I've got to get out of here. My hands are sweaty. I need to sit down somewhere. Maybe take a shower.


I'm sitting in Sister's office waiting for that nig...NO VERN! It's not, what does she call it? PO-LIT-EH-CA-LY KO-REKT. Waiting for that sorry assed black Minister Said and you to come waltzing in for our "session". Isn't that what the good Sister calls it? A session? She sits in that chair all smug just waiting for that big breakthrough to happen. She wants to hear everyone apologize and hug. Sorry sister, it ain't never gonna happen. And I know she's a mongrel just like that Dr. Nathan. I can smell it, the stench that sorta wafts all around them. She sits there, all nice and curled up playing with that damned cross hanging on her neck. I try, I really do. I mean my meetings with the Reverend Cloutier has gotten me back to reading the bible. I don't want to go to hell but I know I will. But at least I know who some of my cell mates are gonna be down there. Shit...makes me hard, Keller's gonna be there and he was My Bitch. And a bitch is a bitch is a bitch in my book. No matter what happened and it's as plain as day to me that I watched your back, Keller. For close to 20 years, in and out of prison, and you turned on me. Fuck, Keller, didn't you see that he played you?

Shit, it don't make no difference down there anyway. He was a good piece of ass and probably still is. Hell, I taught him! He's still mine and always will be. I'll always have a hold on him. Hell, I still own him. He's weak. You're stronger than he ever was. I...I'm not talking about physical strength here. Deep in your soul strong. Physically though, I'd have to say Keller has always taken care of himself just a little bit better than you. Not to say that your body hasn't improved from the time you've spent working out in the gym. Ok, it has, I mean...I...I...well shit ok...sometimes you just look so hot! Yeah, well, sometimes he's gotten sloppy and looks like he's gotten himself a beer gut. Hell, some days he doesn't shave and he has no shame. But when he knows he's looking good, he puts himself on display like in a store window or like that butterfly tat. I could never get a straight answer from him when I asked him 'why'd you put that stupid tat on your thigh?' Always looking to score something. From you. But you play him don't ya, Tobias? Me saving him from that black bastard meant more to him than it did to you, well I mean me saving your ass from another black bastard that is. And I'd save both of your sweet asses again, the best prags I ever had. Yeah, yeah I've had my share of them. I can still hear that drugged out lunatic Adebisi saying your name, 'Beecha'. Jesus, I just wish someone could tell me how the hell he kept that hat on!

Shit, never should have had Keller meet up with you in the first place. Never should have had Metzger arrange for him to be in the same pod as you. Hmmmmm, Metzger, now there was a piece of work, loyal as all get out to the Brotherhood. What a waste his death was. Sometimes I start wondering who killed him and you, Beecher, had the biggest reason to do it. Ain't that right Pussy Bitch? But how could you? I mean, it was the day you got out of the infirmary, you were a gimp. The day your backstabbing boyfriend Keller ratted me and Metzger out. No, there was no way you could have done it. Time to start this fuckin session.


Fuckin bitch hack, Howell. There's not supposed to be a radio playing in the mailroom, but when she's working, it's that fag country and western shit. Once I even heard Mineo say 'rules is rules'. She stands there with her fat fingers in her belt loops, her mouth moving to the words, her right foot attempting to tap out a beat. Fuckin cunt, you can' tap a beat to this song. I could shank her sorry, white trash ass and she'd never see it coming. Just like Keller broke Mack's nose with his cast, didn't see it coming.

Jesus H. Christ, Willie Nelson. That's all I need. Having to listen to that scratchy voice singing "You Were Always On My Mind." How'd he ever get all those wives anyway? Ahhhh, I mean Willie not Keller. He's still got those filthy long braids, always needing a shave and so fuckin skinny, probably from all those drugs. Good thing the IRS caught up with his sorry ass. Put that old hippy in his place. Yessir, right in his place. Lots of memories in this mailroom, Sweetpea, lots of memories. Now I can't get that damn song out of my head. Gotta get me some aspirin, I'm getting a fuckin headache.


I pass the laundry room on my mail run in Em City. ~Snort~ There's Keller, Beecher, the Retard..hi Sweetcheeks, Rebadow and that spic Alvarez. Watch Keller fold laundry. See Keller make a mess of his clothes. No wonder he looks so sloppy. That boy never learned. Fuck, when he lived with me, I taught him how to do his laundry; I tried to teach him how to fold his shirts. I had him stack 'em just right so they didn't wrinkle. He never took any pride in his appearance. He never would button his buttons all the way up like I did, cuffs too. It made you stand out, made you look like you were important, like you were a somebody I told him. Then he started wearing those wifebeaters and he said as long as his pants hugged his ass that's all he cared about. Then he'd just drop his head a little to the side and grin at me. Just like he grins at you, Cupcake.

I don't know when it happened or how, but I never really wanted to let you get inside my heart, but you did. You fucking did. I'm not talking about love here. But you're in there and I can't get you out. I never thought it would happen to me. I mean, we're in prison. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Makes no difference whose hole is on the receiving end. It doesn't make you a fag. You hear me? I ain't no fag! Better go deliver the mail.


Rack 'em up James. Yeah, lean over that pool table just like that. Got my pool cue in my hands. Dammit, Robson, don't lean over like that. I get my shot over, I say. Good, he's out of my vision now. Why did he make me think of you?

With my grandchild coming, I wanted to believe this would soon be ending but it never will. I don't think it ever will. There's a lot I'd like to tell ya, but I don't think I'd know where to start. Maybe in one of those group session things, I can tell you that I don't want no harm to come to your family Beecher, and that I'm sorry about your son. And to tell you I just got lost along the way. We're in Oz, Beecher. Yeah, I just got lost along the way. Fuck, I think that's just what the good Sister would like to hear.

The End

Everytime I Look At You

Tryin' to say I'm sorry, I didn't mean to break your heart And find you waiting out by the light of day There's a lot I wanna tell ya, but I don't know where to start And I don't know what I'd do if you walked away

Oh, baby I tried to make it
I just got lost along the way
But everytime I look at you
No matter what I'm going through, it's easy to see Everytime I hold you, the things I never told you Seem to come easily
'Cause you're everything to me

I never really wanted to let you get inside my heart I wanted to believe this would soon be ending I thought it wouldn't matter if it all just came apart But now I realize I was just pretending

Oh, baby I know I hurt you
But you can still believe in me

But everytime I look at you
No matter what I'm going through, it's easy to see Everytime I hold you, the things I never told you Seem to come easily
'Cause you're everything to me

It's gonna take a little time to show you just what you mean to me oh, yeah
It seems the more I get to know you, the more I need to make you see You're everything to me, yeah

Oho, I need ya, I need ya, I need ya, yeah

Oh, baby, baby, baby I know I hurt you
But you can still believe in me

'Cause everytime I look at you
No matter what I'm going through, it's easy to see Everytime I hold you, the things I never told you Seem to come easily
'Cause you're everything to me

You're everything to me
You're everything to me

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