Fic: Fudgsicle 1/1
Posted: TSXF, TS
Beta Assist: Sandra Unflappable in Seattle Subject: Beecher and Keller return for another rollicking adventure as two older men or as someone called them "The 2 Old Farts" Feedback: Yes... because I don't have the fudge bars, Sandra does.
Notes: I'm sure by now everyone knows I spent a week with Sandra in Seattle. I dedicate this to her because she didn't have a basement, we really pigged out on Boston cream pie, she made me laugh, and accepted me unconditionally into her home.
Early in the morning while Toby slept, Chris poured himself another cup of coffee and sat in front of the PC. Uh oh, he found a message he didn't like but try as he might he couldn't delete it; computer stuff was never one of his strong points. But why? He used it often enough, he enjoyed the time he spent playing with it, and found lots of different applications for it. He mastered the art of search engines and then the excitement of discovery... pictures of big breasted women, motorcycles and an occasional news story, what else did a man need?
The insurance company had a name for the message Chris found, "Good Health Screenings" and Tobias Beecher took it very seriously; he believed it was a fundamental practice to have annual physicals like the AMA recommended. Every year his computer calendar reminded him to make an appointment, two appointments in fact. One for himself and one for the love of his life, Christopher. And just like clockwork Chris protested and said, "I'm not going this year!" but he was ignored... just like always. Chris hated the doctors, the offices, and the smell, it was always the same smell, and it reminded him of episodes in his life he'd rather not revisit.
Chris and Toby's philosophy on health care differed. Beecher's viewpoint was to compare it to war... sort of as a pre emptive strike... find the enemy, circle your troops around it and then eliminate the problem. Chris on the other hand thought if any bumps or lumps were found just leave it the fuck alone... no cuts no drugs. Not that he took drugs anymore but he had to admit he had some fond memories when his motto in life had been, 'Better living through chemistry.'
In the course of many years spent together they learned to 'read' each other. They were able to complete each other's sentences, look into each other's eyes and speak without making a sound. Or the way they communicated with only the corner of their mouths twisted into a crooked grin, it meant something only the two of them understood. So, even though Chris griped about it, Toby knew he'd keep his appointment... if only to keep him quiet.
"I don't care what you say, I'm not having anyone shove something up my ass and take pictures. There's only one thing that goes up there and that's you. End of story." Chris said as he finished brushing his teeth.
Toby was shaving at the other sink. "Chris, it's not that bad. Look, I do it every year and they say you should've done it years ago. We go through this every year... why are you...?"
"End of story, Toby. Zip it." Chris informed him as he ambled out of the bathroom.
Toby looked in the mirror and mumbled 'end of story, zip it. I'll zip you, Keller' as he wiped shaving cream off his ears.
Their appointment with the family practice doctors didn't take as long as last year... the miracles of modern medicine. The doctors assured them everything checked out ok. What they didn't know was that in Christopher Keller's file the word Non-Compliant had been added.
The next item on the agenda was the grocery store close to home. It had been remodeled ten years ago and it always smelled clean never reeked of the 'fishy odor' like older markets. They were familiar with the layout... well most times, every once in a while someone had the bright idea to move some items or whole aisles around and it would confuse everyone. Somewhere there had to be a store manager who sat in his office and watched dollar signs flash across the room every time he blinked; shoppers who stayed in the store longer equaled more money.
Toby and Chris made their shopping list last night. This was one of those together things that couples did... neither one liked it so they might as well be miserable at the same time. They sat at the kitchen table and discussed what was needed room by room. Bathroom... Do we need toilet paper? Nah. Toothpaste? Yeah but let's try the new cinnamon flavored one. Kitchen... Soap for the dishwasher? No. Paper towels? Damn right we do. Bedroom... Lube? Can never have enough lube, baby. Then it was time to go through the refrigerator making sure they were stocked up on the food they liked to nibble on, not just the stuff that was brought over.
"Beech, make sure you add beer, chips, salsa, pretzels and beef jerky. We're almost out of all of it, ok?"
"Yeah, ok but don't let me forget Fudgsicle's." Toby added as he added Chris's items to the list.
"Fudgsicle's? What's with the Fudgsicle's all of a sudden?"
"I don't know, they just sounded good for a change, don't they?"
Chris sort of grimaced at him, "Not particularly, but if that makes you happy then we'll get some. Can't remember the last time I had one."
In the grocery store Beecher liked to push the shopping cart and Keller liked to mosey around. Here and there he'd find the items he was 'assigned' to get but most often Chris would disappear and come back with one of this or a few of that and place them in their cart. Toby continued to shop, crossing off items one by one. He was pretty meticulous in his shopping routine and rituals, some things would be brand name items and some would be the stores' generic label. There was no give and take on this issue. Chris learned long ago to go along with Toby in this department or there may not be any nooky on shopping days. The bottom line was if Chris did something that upset Toby on "shopping day" well... that's all she wrote.
"Chris are you sure we need 3 jars of salsa for one week? Where are the chips to go with it?" Toby asked.
"I haven't been down the chip aisle yet and besides the salsa's on sale and we've got coupons." Keller smiled and waved the coupons in the air.
"They're in the same aisle as the salsa! "
"It used to be... now it ain't. They must have moved it. I'll go find a couple of bags. Do you want the spicy ones or the plain ones?"
"Why don't you just get one of each?"
A few minutes later an obviously agitated Chris found Toby in the cereal aisle and waved a check deposit slip with pink words all over it; he'd coaxed a pen from a young woman in the bakery department. "This is fucking nuts." Chris yelled hoping someone would hear him.
"Shhh, lower your voice Chris, what's wrong?" Toby said tapping his index finger against his lips and touching Chris' shoulder for moral support.
"You said, get one bag of each, right?"
Toby nodded yes.
"I can't do it Toby, it's impossible. Look at this shit will ya? I wrote all the kinds down and we can't just get 2 of each!"
Toby chuckled, "Why not? Is there a limit on corn chips today?"
"No, there's not a damn limit but look at this" he showed Toby the different kinds of chips which were now displayed in aisle 12; Guacamole, Spicier Nacho, Salsa Verde, Scoops, Strips, Toasted Corn, White Corn, Cool Ranch, Rounds, Restaurant Style, and Hint of Jalapeno.
"I see what you mean. People actually eat all these different kinds?" Toby rubbed his right eye with the heel of his hand. "OK, don't get any green chips, just grab 2 of any of the others and I'll meet you over at the deli."
Toby glanced up and down the aisles... where the heck was Chris? He hoped they wouldn't miss the beginning of the game. They didn't meet up at the deli, which was a little unusual. Chris always asked for some samples of meat, cheese, or some salad which of course he had no intention of buying, sort of like at the ice cream store. In fact, one time Chris tried all the ice cream flavors with a small pink spoon, every new flavor required a new spoon. This drove the kids working there nuts and some young whippersnapper behind the counter glared up at him and Keller snapped back, "What the fuck you looking at?" Toby had to drag him out as they heard the kid mumble something about 'them old farts'.
Toby ordered a pound of corned beef, pastrami, and four slices of imported Swiss cheese plus a loaf of unseeded Russian rye bread; they had the brown and yellow mustard at home. For all he knew Chris would be up front flirting with one of the cashiers. He headed for the shortest check out line, where the very attractive cashier worked and whose uniform top always seemed to be missing a few buttons. He placed the items on the conveyor belt and at the last minute grabbed a few of Chris's favorite candy bars.
"Hi, Mr. Beecher. Did you find everything you needed today?" the cheerful buxom cashier said in a flirtatious manner. She more or less enjoyed her customers and prided herself on remembering their names.
"Yes, I think we did," Toby smiled with a twinkle in his eye. Chris wasn't the only one in their household to appreciate the allure of an ample feminine chest.
"Where is Mr. Keller today? He's not out on that motorcycle of his is he?" she asked coyly.
"No, not today. He's somewhere around here, probably in the car waiting for me, he thinks I take too long. You know, he really hates to grocery shop but it's a 50/50 deal. Has been that way for a long time and that's the way it's going to stay." Toby winked at her.
She finished scanning all the items then leaned over and gave him a good peek of her wares and handed him the receipt. "Do you need any help with these Mr. Beecher? Carryout on 2!" she bellowed into the PA system before he could say, 'No, he didn't need any help'. The store employees knew Keller and Beecher were partners in life and they all got a kick out of them, the way they played with each other when both of them were "on", it was harmless fun for everyone.
Toby and Alex, the carryout boy, walked in the parking lot as Toby pointed out the direction of the car. Then Toby dropped a few paces behind the young man and admired the well-proportioned bubble butt he had. They would never be too old to look but... no touching allowed. And it didn't make any difference if it was male or female; they appreciated the beauty of the package, not necessarily what was inside.
The carryout boy slowed down and waited for Toby, "Hey Mr. Beecher, which car are you in today?"
"The same one we're always in, why?"
"I don't see it, are you sure you parked on this side of the lot?"
"Keller drove today and he parked the car right here, I remember because it was next to this light pole." He said with his hands on his hips turning around looking for the car, which was nowhere in sight. "Damn that man! He can't wait an extra second or be late, what a bitch he can be sometimes."
Beecher was fuming; he used his cell phone to call his daughter. "Holly can you come get me? I don't know where the hell Keller is, but when I find him, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind. And he had the nerve to tell me to zip it this morning and...
"Where are you, Dad?" Holly asked calmly but becoming a little concerned by the tone of her father's voice.
"I'm at the grocery store and I'd appreciate it if you can hurry up and get here so my Fudgsicle's won't melt."
Beecher was trying real hard to get out of his bad mood as Holly drove him home. This wasn't the first time Chris shut out the world when some sports show was on TV. It didn't make any difference if it was football, boxing or women's volleyball. "How much do you want to bet he's in front of the TV watching the game?" he asked his daughter.
"I'm not going to bet you dad, but you're probably right. We'll find out soon enough, we're almost there," she looked at her dad and smiled. The relationship he had with Keller had always been a mystery to her but years ago she learned to accept it and Keller at face value. It worked for them and that's all that really mattered in any relationship.
"Hey batter batter... Hey batter batter..."
Yes... you're thinking the same thing Toby thought as he and Holly walked into the house, and carried the sacks of groceries into the kitchen.
"Do you guys need any help?" Chris called out from the den.
"Dad... sit down. Your face looks a little flushed. I'm sure there' s a good logical explanation..." she didn't get a chance to complete her sentence.
"Son of a bitch!"
She saw him slowly walk towards the den.
Toby smiled at Chris when he entered the room. He stood there with his hands in his pockets, slowly rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. He felt like he was at a tennis match, looking at Chris then the TV, back and forth.
"Steeee-rike 3!!" the home base umpire shouted. "Yer out!" he said with a quick movement of his right thumb over his shoulder.
"You're as blind as a bat. That ball was low and outside!" Chris yelled at the TV screen.
"Where ya been? You're missing the game." Chris asked while munching on cool ranch flavored corn chips and patted the space next to him, never taking his eyes off the TV.
"You're damn right I'm missing the game. Was there something you might have forgotten?"
"No, I got the chips... oh ahhh fuck... oh shit." Now Chris looked up and saw a pissed off Beecher. "Babe I'm sorry. Jesus... I can't believe I left you at the store. Shit I had the damn game on my mind and all those different kinds of chips and the doctor this morning... I guess I just spaced out. I don't have to guess who's sleeping on the couch tonight, do I?"
"Damn right oh shit!" Beecher squinted his eyes at Chris and sat down next to him, but not too close.
Holly walked into the den, quiet as a mouse or so she thought.
"Holly, when did you get here?" Toby asked her.
Holly looked at him then at Chris, "Don't tell me Dad's lost it too."
"No, I'm only kidding Holly. You don't have to stay any longer."
He started to get off the couch but she stopped him by leaning over and kissing the top of his head.
"Are you two going to be all right?" she asked and then kissed Chris on the cheek.
"We'll be fine, honey. Keller's' going put the groceries away 'cause I'm not doing it."
He lightly slapped Keller on the side of the head, "You asshole! You forgot me at the store!"
"I would have remembered come dinnertime."
"I can't believe you actually said that. Now you're really sleeping on the couch."
"This is where I came in, you guys work it out. How come it always seems like dj vu around here? I'll talk to you guys in the morning." She said out loud to them but inwardly she prayed she wouldn't get a call tonight making her come back out to fix another problem.
Keller was well aware it was the bottom of the ninth and the count was 2 strikes and 3 balls and the only way he knew how to get a home run was to beg. He gave Toby one of 'those' smiles and fluttered his eyelashes in exaggeration. He moved closer and grabbed Toby around the waist... it didn't work, Toby resisted. Foul ball... Oh, shit! He tried again and this time he succeeded in pulling him in. Chris leaned back and held Toby tight against his chest; Toby's back fit into Chris' body like an old catcher's mitt. Chris kissed Toby's neck and felt him relax... slightly.
Almost a strike but he connected pretty good for a solid hit and now Chris was on first base slowly taking little love bites, giving soft soothing kisses while he ran his hand through Toby's hair and ran his tongue around his lover's earlobe. Sometimes he couldn't believe how contented this still made him feel. Then Chris felt Goosebumps on Toby's neck as his warm breath caressed his skin. Second base... right on!!!
He knew Toby could feel his hardness with his back pressed into him as he calmed him down. Chris reached around with his free hand and slowly rubbed Toby's crotch starting with small circles then making figure eight's along his upper thighs and stomach, just enough to tease without touching any skin. It didn't take long, Toby could pretend to be pissed off but he couldn't pretend what Chris felt under the denim of his jeans. All right!!!!! Third base, one more to go.
"Isn't there anything I can do to make it up to you?" he said in a low growl.
"No! How would you like to be left at the store and you had to call your daughter to come and get you? It sucks Keller."
"Shh... I said I was sorry and I really am. You know you're more important to me than any old game, my little Frito bandito."
Toby snorted, "Frito Bandito? That's bad Keller, really, really bad and old I might add."
"So, I'm forgiven?"
"Yeah, but give me the damn keys so you can't do it again."
Keller knew he would be sliding in to home base during the 7th inning stretch.