Vanilla Ice Cream

by Rifka

Fic: Vanilla Ice Cream
Author: Rifka
Posted to: TS TXSF
Subject: AU It's about Beecher and Keller a few years down the road. Lyrics: "They Don't Know" by Tracey Ullman (1983) provided by Ravyn who was so kind and acted quicker than I ever expected when the first set of lyrics didn't work. Feedback: Would be nice or I'm going to eat some cookie dough ice cream, please don't make me do that.

Notes: This was my story for the Lyric Wheel using songs from the 80's

Vanilla Ice Cream

"Chris? Chris?" Where the fuck is he? Toby wondered as he plodded down the stairs wearing his old slippers, looking for his lover. He held on to the wooden railing as he walked, his sight wasn't as good as it used to be and it wasn't first-rate to begin with, he couldn't remember where the hell he'd put his glasses this time.

He found Chris asleep on the sofa, his hearing aids on the coffee table and so were Toby's rimless glasses. Chris was laying on his right side, which was the absolute worse side for him to hear anything. Toby looked at him and decided to let him sleep for a while, as their dinner hadn't arrived.

Toby was 75 and Chris was 79 chronologically but in their hearts they were still very young and in spite of everything still very much in love with each other. But, at times they got on each other's nerves just like any other couple who were together 24 hours a day 7 days a week. And being in prison would eventually take its toll on them over time. The alcohol would have its effect on Toby's liver; he just knew it would even though his annual physical never showed it. And Chris figured his drug use had damaged a few brain cells but so far you couldn't tell it by his quick wit.

Chris still used his sex appeal to his full advantage, even though Toby still acted jealous. Chris's hair had turned white but his hairline hadn't receded any farther. He exercised daily and still appeared athletic while on the other hand Toby developed love handles and squint lines around his eyes but to Chris his heart still soared whenever he looked at him.

Chris and Toby really required assisted living either in their home or at apartments offering it, but they would say "Over my dead body" when Holly, Harry or the grandkids brought the subject up. They could walk although they didn't walk as fast as they used to... though they managed quite well; one could hear and the other could see, they were still a team. And to their families continual embarrassment they would say they could still fuck each other and if they were put into a home they wouldn't be allowed to engage in such activity.

"Why should we be lonely every night? We can't live that way," Toby would say.

Chris would always tell Toby whenever there was a family gathering planned, "Got my eyes wide open and I see the signs, they're going to bring it up again tonight," he'd say as the mirthful crinkles around his eyes deepened.

Holly thought differently and had hired a professional chef that prepared meals for delivery every evening. She hoped her two dads weren't aware that the person delivering the food and snacks was also checking on their welfare. Most times it was a woman and if Chris wasn't napping he'd flirt with her, he was never too old for that. She'd look around and see if there were any visible hazards, check the kitchen for cleanliness, always ask to use the restroom while she was there but she was never allowed to go upstairs. She had no idea what their bedroom looked like but recently she had seen laundry that included clean folded sheets on a chair.

"What'd you bring us to eat?" Toby asked impatiently as he opened the bag, putting the dinner on the kitchen counter and placing the other Styrofoam packages in the refrigerator. He also put away some nectarines, a watermelon and bananas. There was a lattice topped apple pie and Toby hoped there was still some vanilla ice cream left for desert.

"I made you guys some breakfast burritos and tuna salad for lunch tomorrow and tonight you're having chicken chunks over rice with vegetables," she said.

"Sounds like chicken nuggets to me. Chris is not going to eat it! We've told you before that he won't eat any kind of chicken that is any shape or form like a nugget!"

"These are not chicken nuggets," she gently answered trying to change this topic of conversation.

"I'll just have to mush the chicken and the vegetables together and pour it over the rice, that's the only way he's going to eat it. My daughter should have left us alone so we could do our own cooking we were doing just fine." Toby resented the fact that he had lost control over that part of his life.

"Well, I heard you had a little kitchen fire and that's why she's doing this."

"Anybody can have a little kitchen fire and Chris couldn't hear the fire alarm but he smelled it. We got most of it out by the time the firemen arrived. And anyway the kitchen was long overdue for an upgrade and it was time for the cabinets and the counter top to be replaced. But I do like the kitchen better now, it's more modern, and we even got all new appliances. And you can make toast in this microwave did you know that? " Toby looked up and smiled at her as she was taller than him being a little over six feet in height.

"Baby, where are you?" Chris was now awake and called out to him from the living room. There was nothing wrong with his olfactory sense he could always smell food.

"Listen to this, he doesn't have his hearing aids in. Chris! Chicken nuggets and vegetables for dinner." He shouted knowing Chris could hear him but not be able to make out exactly what he was saying.

"Sounds good to me, I'll be right there."

"See, he can't hear a fuckin' thing I say!" Toby cackled at the delivery lady.

"Don't be mean to him. Mr. Keller seems like such a nice man. I mean I don't know him like I do you... not that I know you all that well..."

"Look, no one really knows us. They say we're crazy but I just don't care I mean we don't care. You see, there's love and then there's LOVE," Toby said making a rather large gesture with both hands. "We have LOVE. Only our family just doesn't understand that, they never have fully understood that, but I don't mind if they don't understand, really I don't."

Keller walked into the kitchen having already put his hearing aids back in and tucked in his T-shirt and buttoned up his jeans. He was barefoot and sported a five o'clock shadow but if he was going to flirt he thought he might as well try and look the part instead of like the dirty old man that sat on the bench on "Laugh-In".

The delivery lady was already running late for her next delivery as Keller entered the kitchen. He gave her one of his mega watt smiles and she blushed saying "I gotta skedaddle. I'll take the garbage out first..." and she left through the back door leading into the garage where the trashcans were placed. When she came back in she had both hands on her hips and said to both of them. "You guys have been on the motorcycle again haven't you? It's not in the same spot! Your son has threatened both of you that he was going to sell it, you better be careful."

"Fuck! I told you so Keller. We have to put some markings or some tape on the floor so we can line it up right and then no one can tell we've been riding it. You're still so pig headed you just won't listen."

Keller looked at his beloved, walked up to him and put his hands on both sides of Beecher's face & smiled, "You're still a Bitch, Beecher! But you're my Bitch." Then his kissed him full on the lips.

"On that note, I'm outta here. I'll see you guys tomorrow," she said.

The two men broke apart not saying anything. Chris got large dinner plates, water glasses and dessert plates out of the cupboard. Toby divided the food on the plates & Chris cut the apple pie, placing large slices on the plates. Then he opened the freezer, "Oh fuck, there's no ice cream left."

"Then eat it plain or put cheddar cheese on it."

"That's fuckin gross," Keller made a face at him. They took their plates into the living room, set up the TV trays, turned the TV on to a level Keller could hear and one that Toby could tolerate.

After dinner, Toby gathered up the plates, and Chris made himself comfortable on the big couch. When Toby walked back into the living room he had a mischievous grin on his face.

"Guess what I found in the empty delivery bag?"


"Ice cream & it's melted that means there's only one way to eat it. OH MAN! Vanilla milk shakes Keller!"

In the kitchen Chris got the blender on top of the counter and poured in the milk, Toby added the melted ice cream and some powdered malt and lastly Keller added a few ice cubes so it would be colder and thicker. Chris turned it on and milk shake flew out and splattered all over the place.

"Hey asshole! You forgot to put the lid on again. This is the last time you're in charge of the blender or anything else electrical for that matter."

"Yeah, like you're so perfect?" Chris said laughingly.

There was still half of the milk shake left in the container and they shared it knowing later the kitchen would have to be cleaned before morning or everything would stick to the cupboards; Holly was bound to see it when she came over. Together they cleaned while Toby steadied the ladder Chris was using so he wouldn't topple off. This little act was endearing to Chris; he hadn't lost his balance yet as he reached for some of the splatter high up on one of the cabinets.

After the kitchen was cleaned, Toby looked at the clock and asked, "Chris it's still early do you want to go for a walk or play poker?"

"Depends. What's the weather like? Do I need a sweater?" Keller asked.

Toby checked the thermometer outside the patio door and said, "Yeah, probably so."

"Then, let's stay inside where it's warm and we can play strip poker instead?" Chris answered smiling conspiratorially at Toby.

The card table was set up next to the large window in the living room. Toby put the cards on the table and some pretzels to nibble on. Chris grinned as he turned off most of the lights, somehow forgetting to close the drapes that had been open all day.

Across the street Dora peeked through her drapes at the Beecher house and gasped in horror as she saw two men sitting at the table with their shirts on... and very little else. She then realized that one man was sitting in his underwear and the other man was taking his off.

"Well, I never! I'm calling their daughter right this minute." She told her spinster sister.

"Hello, Holly, this is Dora from..."

"Yes Dora, you're across the street form my dads. What can I do for you at this hour?" Holly listened to her tale.

"Dora sometimes they're forgetful. I'm sure they just forgot to close the drapes. It sounds like they're playing poker again. Well yes... I mean strip poker. Would you like me to call them?"

Dora continued her peeping tom activities watching until one of them got up and answered the phone.

"Holly! I had a feeling you were going to call us this evening. What can we do for you?" Chris laughed because he knew the old lady was watching them again.

"Christopher Keller! Close those drapes immediately. Don't make me come over there."

"Is it Holly?" Toby called out in the distance.

"Yeah..." Chris said, dejected.

"Ha!! I win! It took those old goats twenty minutes to report us this time. It used to take them five!"

"Honestly! You two are making me grey before my time," Holly said, but there was laughter in her voice.

"Okay, Hol," Chris said. "We'll close the curtain. Besides, he may have won the bet, but I won the poker game! Eat your hearts out, you old prunes!" he yelled, wiggling his hips so his manhood waved at the elderly sisters. "Love to talk to ya, Hol but me and your dad's got some business to attend to, if you know what I mean..."

"Just close the curtains first. For me...?"

"Toby is closing them now...Night, Hol."

"Night Chris," she said with a heavy sigh, hanging up the phone.

"Who was on the phone?" her husband asked.

"It was a wrong number. Hey, you wanna make vanilla smoothies and play strip poker!?"

The End

"They Don't Know" by Tracey Ullman (1983)

You've been around for such a long time now Oh maybe I could leave you but I don't know how. And why should I be lonely every night When I can be with you - oh yes you make it right

And I don't listen to the guys who say That you're bad for me and I should turn you away 'Cause they don't know 'bout us
And they've never heard of love

I get a feeling when I look at you
Wherever you go now, I wanna be there too They say we're crazy but I just don't care And if they keep on talkin' still they get nowhere

So I don't mind if they don't understand When I look at you when you hold my hand 'Cause they don't know 'bout us
And they've never heard of love

Why should it matter to us if they don't approve We should just take our chances while we've got nothing to lose

There's no need for living in the past Now I've found good lovin' gonna make it last I tell the others 'Don't bother me'
Cause when they look at you they don't see what I see

No I don't listen to their wasted lines Got my eyes wide open and I see the signs 'Cause they don't know 'bout us
And they've never heard of love

No I don't listen to their wasted lines Got my eyes wide open and I see the signs 'Cause they don't know 'bout us
And they've never heard of love

No I don't listen to their wasted lines Got my eyes wide open and I see the signs 'Cause they don't know 'bout us
And they've never heard of love

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