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Resolute

by sistersleep


Everyone broke their resolutions, or at least everyone Tobias had ever known did. At the end of every year, you looked back on your mistakes, your destructive habits, and were filled with regret. Just enough regret to *resolve* to ditch the bad habits, not enough to actually overcome them and do it. Never enough to kill the urge, the well-worn need for whatever you got from them. They were habits for a reason, after all.

You could feel good that at least you *tried* by making a list, and pulled together that short-lived hollow reserve. Tried for a week. Or a month. Or in Tobias's case, it was about three seconds after the turn of January 1st that he threw out the old and started making new ones. He'd done enough for some of his resolutions before the year had turned though. He had given his all to the resolutions that were about revenge and tamping down on passions that had broken him. Spilling blood to make his point. Keeping his vengeance. And eventually letting it go to try to make...whatever passed for peace in here.

A detente between blood lusts and humanity, the angel on one shoulder and the devil the other, between old enemies. Trying to rebuild and let go, because he had to or he would be...lost.

That old pain and still stark fear of reoccurrences didn't stop him from curling up with his betrayer now. Some things mattered more, some things you needed too much. A couple of blades piercing skin had made up for it, dulled it enough that Tobias didn't have to hate himself for giving back in to his undeniable need. Falling again, even though he was supposed to be wiser this time. It felt too good. It was unstoppable. His habit of chasing after highs, connections.

There were other kinds of resolutions as well. Ones about your missed opportunities, or loneliness. Ones that had to do with those unfulfilled needs your habits filled and fucked with. Ones to better yourself, discover new things, grab life and squeeze whatever you could out of it. Learn a language, cuddle a puppy, be nicer to strangers, donate money or time, take a class, have more fun, be more forward...

Tobias was making and fulfilling that kind right now...with every hitch of his breath. A new oath with every touch of warm skin gliding under dry palm.

Make Chris kiss him more desperately, get him to touch Toby just. Like. That. Draw that nice hot little noise out of that wicked mouth, discover what other good dirty sounds Toby could make him voice.

Learning a new body. Tasting a mouth the way he should have before. Learning tweaks and how fucking good a cock was supposed to feel in a damp pressing slide over your hip with the buck of a powerful body. Resolving to make Keller lose control just enough to make it perfect...

...Giving, taking, tumbling into something new with the rattle of a cot...all eased by that sharp devil grin that was learning all about him, even more than it had known before when those blue eyes were dissecting him and playing him. Things that were real this time.

Tobias would make sure of it. This year...his habits would take a different turn. A better one. He knew it.

*

End
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