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this one is for Anna

For the First Time in Forever,Part Two

by ozfanfreak

this one is for Anna

Chapter3 Muscle Memory

"My son doesn't drink, "Harrison Beecher's voice was firm.

"Mr.Beecher,"Olivia started but was abruptly cut off.

"No, you don't understand. I know he does not drink. He's a recovered alcoholic. He has been sober for four years now."

"Mr.Beecher, alcohol level in his blood was well above the legal limit. Besides, he tested positive on heroin," Elliot's face remained impassive.

"No, "Victoria Beecher shook her head, "no, he's clean."

"Detectives, I know my son," Harrison put an arm around his wife's shoulders. Her hand moved to cover his, but the smile she gave him was a little disenchanted.

"I know our son, "he dropped his voice to a whisper.


As if precariously poised on the top of a cliff and peering over the dizzy edge measuring the depth of the drop, Elliot stood in front of Toby's room.

This is fucked. This is beyond fucked.

He ran a hand through his hair and leant back against the wall closing his eyes. In the moment of breathless tranquility that spread over him, Elliot gave in.


He was lying there; a lonely figure in the foreground of a picture of human misery, hopelessly awaiting his fate; giving in to the gnawingly insistent urge to drawn in sniveling self-pity.

He buried his face into a pillow. His entire life spread out before him in pure outlines without shading; moments segueing one into another, each of them playing out some incident which seemed to link it with the next, forming in his mind an undulating path to hell. No beginning and no end.

He turned his eyes towards the door as he heard the handle turning. It was him, that Detective, Stabler.

Toby sat up in his hospital bed, their eyes meeting in a silent lament for the loss of all things pure and simple. In shame the golden head of a fallen angel drooped and tears fell into his lap; each and every one enough to break your heart.

Oh, fuck, don't...Elliot's throat was tight. His own pain shedding its skin of anger, he pulled Toby into his arms.

With a sigh and a whimper Toby burrowed his head into Elliot's shoulder; curious just how good that felt.

Crazy. It was crazy how this perfect stranger made him feel safe; made him feel as if he mattered.

The sweet haze of nostalgia came over him and Toby closed his tired eyes and cried; deep broken sobs welling up from his chest.


The sun was high in the sky of broken clouds and the room seemed to shimmer in the sunlight; microscopic specs of dust dancing in the still. Tiny glints of copper in Toby's blond hair caught Elliot's eye: moved he gently ran his fingers through the silken curls. Toby sighed in a soft sound of surrender.

It was too much, and Elliot pulled away. He started as if to speak but Toby lifted a hand to his lips stopping him; those beautiful baby-blues pleading with him to keep silent.

As Toby's pale trembling fingers brushed against his lips unexpected thrill shivered through him. He raised his eyes to Toby's. An image of perfect peace, of true contentment flashed into his mind. It was nothing more than a fleeting thought but it scared him something fierce.

Toby held on Elliot's hand as he tried to leave;" Thank you," he said, squeezing it gently, curiosity showing in the moist glimmer of his eyes. Curiosity and something more, Elliot realized something wild, like a forest fire, blazing behind those eyes; past the anger, past the pain. Elliot stopped, frozen, his body burning.


His cell phone went off, yanking him back to reality. What the fuck...

"Stabler,"he said, his voice trembling a little," 'key. I'll be there," he cleared his throat straining every nerve to sound his normal self, all the while painfully aware of Toby's questioning gaze," gimme twenty minutes. 'Key."

"I guess you have to go," Toby was smiling, a tone of his voice full of gentle, sweet elegance.

"Yes. They found something at the..."he paused trying to gauge Toby's reaction," at the scene. I have to go."

Toby's breath came in a little huff, his eyes drifting towards the damn window again.

Elliot's dark gaze clouded with concern. "Toby," his voice was soft, "who did this to you?"

Toby. Oh. Toby smiled to himself, wryly.His eyes hardened, his decision made. "Hank Schillinger, and it's not like you can do shit about it, "and with that he turned his back to Elliot.

Tbc in Chapter four
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