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This one is for all my peeps, enjoy
Mind you, the SVU timeline went haywire in this one so, please, don't fuss!
plus, this may or may not be the final version of the story; what can I say, I'm kinda obsessive tweaker
Baby, don't (the end)
,,Well that's certainly one way to raise the value of your property. " Toby drawled wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and settling back into his seat.
Eliot laughed between gasping breaths laying his head back against the headrest, his eyes closed. "That's one way to look at it" He murmured rolling his head to a side to look at Toby.
"'Want more?"Toby was looking at him, his eyes heavy-lidded.
Toby raised a cocky eyebrow at him. "Elliot...." he purred.
Lifting a hand to cup Toby's cheek, Elliot smiled. "'Key."
Just like that.
And why not?
It was simple. He wanted it. He deserved it.
Leaning closer Toby kissed him, lazy and slow, catching his lip between his teeth and sucking on it. Sliding his hand lower he tucked him in and zipped his pants. Giving him a pat Toby drawled a low and sultry "C'mon, let's find a bed."
He lay in bed-alone. He heard a shower starting, a shower curtain being closed, brass rings clinking over a rail. His heart jumped in his throat at a muffled ouch and a familiar infectious laugh. Tobias Beecher. The man he just fucked up the ass......Toby. Pushing the sheets off he sat up, his naked body sticky from semen and sweat. He needed a shower. He needed Toby.
Smiling to himself and his one track mind, Elliot got up and padded barefoot and bare-ass naked to the bathroom. Pausing in a doorway he wondered, and just for the briefest of seconds, when exactly did his life take this unexpected yet highly enjoyable turn.
Hearing Toby's sexy voice humming "Sweet Home Alabama" he shook his head.
"Tobe..." he started, chuckling at a "fuck, Stabler, `give a guy a heart attack" the blonde managed between the muttered curses. Pushing the curtain aside, and feasting on a lithe body glistening and wet before him, Elliot drawled "Nice ass."
Turning to him, Toby snorted. "Not as impressive as yours...." he winked, "but then, none is."
Reaching up to adjust the shower head, Toby shot him a sultry look and "You wanna watch some more or....." His voice trailed off suggestively.
Shaking his head Elliot groaned. "You're insatiable, you know that."
Taking his hand and pulling him inside the tub Toby chuckled. "You say that as if it is a bad thing. But," he threw his arm around Elliot's shoulder, pressing their bodies together," I like being bad."
"Beecher," Eliot laughed snaking his arms around the blonde's waist, planting a lingering kiss on the delectable lips, "shut up."
He lay in bed-alone. Elliot had got a call, took a shower, dressed in a hurry- insanely sexy jeans, sweatshirt, and leather jacket- it was supposed to be his day off. He said he'll be back as soon as he could. Toby said," No sweat man; I got to be in court anyway." He lied- didn't know why.
He got out of bed, took a shower, got dressed.
He snooped around the house, looking at the pictures on the wall-some so obviously absent, some so painfully there. Sickened of himself, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden, he closed the door of one of the girl's rooms.
Leaving a message on a kitchen counter-just a `call me' scribbled down-he left.
Four hours later his cell rang. He didn't answer. His cell rang three more times in the next two hours. He didn't answer. He didn't know why.
Stopping at the Zino's for some take out lasagna he headed home. Pye needed to be fed.
He wasn't surprised as, pulling up in front of his apartment, he saw Elliot, waiting-the narrow eyed glower and a clenched jaw telling him the tall man was not exactly feeling chipper.
"Where were you?" came a low growl.
"Working." Toby lied, shamelessly.
"I was at your office." Elliot stepped closer, crowding him. "What are you doing, Beecher?" -his voice low, kind of tired.
"C'mon Stabler, don't get your panties in a twist. I got held up in court....."
"Don't you fuck with me, Toby." Elliot said in glowering anger.
"Why not, you seemed to enjoy it." Toby was looking at him, trying to play it cool, trying to convince himself he didn't care for this man standing in front of him, standing so close to him. But he did- care.
"Fuck, Stabler, believe it or not, I don't do that....this ...all the time." He stumbled awkwardly through an apology.
Pressing their foreheads together Elliot closed his eyes. "Me neither." Unearthed sadness tinted his voice.
Grabbing two steps at a time they reached Toby's front door and stopped for Toby to unlock it. Elliot wrapped his arms around his waist pressing against him, burying his face into his hair, breathing him in fierce longing rippling through him.
Turning the key with a trembling hand Toby relaxed against the hard body rubbing against his.
Nuzzling Toby's ear, darting one lick over it Elliot slid his hand down Toby's side, reaching between his legs, cupping his balls.
Pushing the front door open Toby turned around grabbing Elliot's amazing ass, pulling him inside, pulling himself closer, and crushing their lips together in a hungry kiss.
Sucking in Elliot's questing tongue, swallowing his groans and saliva, his own breath coming in desperate moans, Toby squeezed Stabler's ass- his hands finding their way inside Toby's pants.
Palming Toby's cock Elliot growled," `You have a bed in here somewhere?"
"Oh yeah." Toby breathed out.
Tearing the clothes off each other- Elliot fumbling with Toby's tie, Toby banging his leg against a desk, and breaking the lamp- they reached Toby's bedroom.
His eyes locked with Elliot's, a deliciously wicked smile dancing on his lips, Toby pushed him down on the bed, straddling his thighs. Splaying his palms over Elliot's chest, reveling in the feel of his skin, he leaned in, whispering in a shuddering breath. "Finally.....you are here."
Toby was riding him, hard- the summer sky eyes locked on his, that cute face scrunching in pleasure-Toby reached for him, covering his mouth with his, his tongue fucking his mouth, and he felt him deep.
His cock throbbed buried deep inside that cute little ass, his hands gripping Toby's hips, hard enough to bruise, guiding him down...up, again and again, and he knew it was crazy, God it was crazy, but he felt, he felt so much, the savage craving in him finally satisfied. Toby's gleaming eyes locked on his, and he could wait no more, he was coming, coming hard into Toby, feeling Toby's own burning come spurt over his belly.......he felt it inside, too, flooding him, pleasure exploding through him....Toby sucked on his tongue, and he was crying out in pleasure , so much pleasure.....
Gasping for air and half expecting to wake up from yet another dream, all alone and in his own bed, Elliot threw a hand over his eyes, feeling Toby move to lie down beside him. "That..." he tried for words, "that was wild."
"Sleep." Toby murmured nuzzling his neck.
"Toby..." Elliot tried again.
"Fuck, Stabler." Toby's breath was hot against his skin. "Sleep." He yawned. "Just sleep."
Few hours later, Toby woke to a moonlit room.
He rested his head against his propped up hand, pensive-watching Elliot sleep, mentally tracing his fingers over the man's aquiline profile.
He touched his lips with gentle fingers, felt the warmth of his breath, and trembled with it.
"I wonder....." he smiled ruefully, stumbling through his thoughts, a hair fine fracture showing in the ice his heart's been confined in.
He sighed heavily, lying down, and hooking his hands behind his head.
Looking up at the ceiling with blind eyes he willed his heart to beat slower, his mind empty now, his breath becoming more regular as he waited for Elliot to wake up.
Reaching for Toby and pulling his warm body closer, Elliot spooned behind him, nuzzling his ear, whispering a low `Good morning'.
His hand moving to cover Elliot's Toby mumbled a grumpy `Good morning' back.
"C'mon, sleepy head, it's time to get up." Elliot smiled giving him a light peck on a cheek.
"Oh, for fuck's sake...." Toby buried his head into the pillow, "you're a morning person."
Giving him a playful slap on the ass Elliot chuckled." C'mon, I got something for ya."
"Mmmmm..." Toby arched his back, pushing into him, "keep talking."
"Nope," Elliot growled into his ear, sliding a lazy hand over Toby's ass, "I better show you."
So much for my resolve-Toby thought whimpering as Elliot sucked on him, warm water sluicing over their bodies. Tomorrow, he will end it all tomorrow, he decided as Elliot slid a curious hand over his ass. Monday at the latest. He groaned as Elliot's fingers grazed over his puckered hole, teasing, his tongue dancing over Toby's glans. Yeah, Monday. Definitely, Monday. "Sweet Lord!" he screamed as Elliot hit his prostate-fucking him and sucking him so perfectly he barely stood. Fuck, he always hated Mondays. Tuesday, he'll do it Tuesday.
two weeks later
New Year's Eve
Lying in his bed, propped up against the headboard Toby watched Elliot peel out off his grey dress shirt and pants, ending up in only a pair of light blue briefs.
Raking the amazing body with hungry eyes Toby whistled. "Well, Happy New Year to me."
Startled arrested in mid motion, Elliot looked at him, blushing. "Fuck, Beecher, don't."
"Don't... what?" Toby asked, the picture of innocence bellied by a devilish smile dancing on his lips.
Elliot smiled back, shaking his head.
God, he loved him like that- Toby thought watching that gorgeous, beautiful, wonderful man smiling back at him, looking so relaxed- tired, yes, but satisfied, calm..... almost serene.
"C'mon," he patted the sheets, "get in. You look tired."
Getting into bed Elliot gave him a quick peck on the lips. "Happy New Year , Tobe." He murmured locking his eyes with Toby's, his hands coming up to cup his smiling face, his thumb caressing Toby's lips. "Happy New Year, babe."
"Happy New Year." he said, his throat tight. He leaned in, covering Elliot's hands with his, covering Elliot's mouth with his.
"C'mon babe," he murmured tugging at him, pulling him down into his arms, "you really need some sleep. You look like hell." He chuckled at a grumpy look Elliot flashed him.
"Oh, I do, do I?" Elliot growled, propped up on his hands, and hovering over Toby, and grinding their crotches together.
Letting out one of those hmpfy sounds of his Toby arched into Elliot's touch. Smiling at him, carding a loving hand over his face Toby whispered, "Yes, yes you do........C'mon you need your beauty sleep." Winking playfully he added, "We'll fuck later, I promise."
He yelped as Elliot tickled him. "We will, huh?"
"Yeah," Toby pulled him down into a tight embrace, "like rabbits."
"You're crazy, you know that?" Elliot chuckled, burying his face against Toby's neck.
"Oh, yeah," Toby chuckled. Crazy about you.
Carding his hand over Elliot's hair, he listened to Elliot's soft breathing as he drifted into a peaceful slumber.
"You have to help me!" Toby yelled into a receiver. "Peter Marie....," he lowered his voice, colored with desperation, "you really have to help me."
"Toby, honey, why are you...." her voice trailed off. "Oh, my darling," her voice broke in sudden realization, "who is she?"
"*His* name is Elliot." Toby snapped, "And....and he doesn't ddeserve it...I can't keep doing this to him. He..." his voice broke.
Burying his face into his hands Toby whimpered, "Please, you got to help me."
"Eugenia's potion will do. I'll have it ready for you tomorrow." Her voice was firm.
"Thank you." He whispered. "Thank you.......How... how's everybody?"
"I'm going to be fine, Pete. Everything is going to be fine."
Hearing Elliot coming down the hall Toby hurried to finish his phone call. "Really. Happy New Year. "He tried to sound cheerful. He was sure he wasn't fooling anyone, though.
"Happy New Year, darling."
Putting down the receiver and turning to Elliot Toby curved his lips into a smile.
,,Good morning. " He murmured coming to him and carding a gentle hand through the dark hair still damp from the shower.
,,Are you in the mood for-,, he kissed Elliot's lips, "some coffee? "He murmured against the sweet lips.
,,No, "Elliot drawled snaking his arms around Toby's waist, searching for Toby's lips. ,,You promised me something else, remember?"
,,Oh, yeah, "Toby licked his lip.
,,Hmmm, "Elliot lapped at Toby's tongue retracing its path over Toby's upper lip, ,,what are you waiting then? " He cupped Toby's ass and squeezed at it, pulling him close. ,,I'm more than willing. " Elliot nuzzled his temple.
Feeling Eliot's already hard cock brush against his Toby gasped. ,,Oh I can feel it. "
,,Really?" Elliot breathed against his ear, rubbing against him. ,,'You sure? "
,,Yeah." Toby swallowed hard, his heart beating loud and fast; closing his eyes he grabbed Elliot's amazing ass humping him desperately. ,,God, yeah."
Sliding his hand over smooth-sculptured stone of Toby's naked back Elliot growled into his ear, "Say it. "
,,Fuck me, babe-"Toby whimpered rolling his head back, feeling Elliot tongue trail a wet path down his jaw and neck.
,,God, yes. ,, Elliot nibbled at his skin, carding a questing hand over Toby's ass, sliding his middle finger over the crack. ,,Turn around. Tobe......turn around. "
His breath caught, his whole body trembling in excitement, Toby turned, faced the wall, bracing his hands against it, ready and more than willing to getting royally and gloriously fucked.
Buried balls deep and feeling his orgasm rippling through him, his body screaming with it, with the pure unbridled joy of it, Elliot buried his face into Toby's silken curls drenched with sweat.
"Babe," came Toby's strained voice, "finish." He panted. "God Jesus, finish!"
Jerking him off in two swift moves Elliot felt Toby's hot come spurt over his fingers. "Sorry, babe," he panted, "sorry."
"Oh, Jesus fucking Christ." Toby groaned angling his head back to catch his mouth, kissing him hungrily. "I love you, baby." He breathed into Elliot's open mouth, his whole body shaking with climax. "I love you."
Elliot squeezed his arms around him, hard, kissing his mouth, soothing his cries. "I love you." He whispered, his voice a sweet tremble against Toby's skin.
"You're going down, babe!" Elliot chuckled sinking a ball through the hoop.
"Oh, you would like that." Toby grinned as he caught the ball, and started to dribble, jumping to take a shot. The ball bounced of the rim.
Catching it, Elliot winked at him. "Loosing on purpose there, huh Beech?"
Sidling behind him, trying not to show just how much it meant to him, all of it, the two of them shooting hoops, talking, joking around, and just being together, Toby slapped Elliot on the ass.
The taller man jumped, yelping.
Stealing the ball from him, Toby took a shot. "You know what they say- in love and war..." he chuckled.
Stepping to him, crowding him, breathing hard, Elliot glowered at him.
Grabbing him by the neck, and crushing their lips together, Elliot showed his tongue down Toby's throat.
Breaking the kiss and dropping his eyes to Toby's crotch and the now obvious hard on the blond was sporting, Elliot growled. "Yeah, I know."
"Fucker." Toby breathed out.
"You wanted to play with the big boys." Elliot chuckled.
"Now, you are just showing of." Toby smiled, his blue eyes shining with joy.
"Oh, am I?"
"Yeah...,"Toby gave him a raspberry, "big boy."
"Oh, I'm gonna get you for that." Elliot growled stepping closer.
"Looking forward to it, baby." Toby winked. "Race you home?"
Getting out from the shower Toby grabbed a towel, and wrapped it around his hips; a happy smile dying on his lips as he met his reflection in the mirror, a wave of sadness washing over him.
,,Weep a loss forever new..." he murmured, breathless in the dark behind his closed eyelids,
,, a void where heart on heart reposed; and where warm hands have pressed and closed, ...silence, till I be silent too."
,,That was beautiful." came Elliot's soft voice, his gaze on him.
,,Tennyson." Toby mumbled looking away, embarrassed, grabbing another towel, and starting to dry his hair.
Drawing closer, standing face to face with him now, Elliot took the towel from him. "Here, let me." He said, starting to dry Toby's hair.
Struck dumb by the gentle gesture, Toby just stood there, breathless, watching him.
"Have you heard from your kids?"
""Yep," Elliot smiled" Kathleen was with some friends, and Maureen was with her boyfriend," he sighed," dont'ask...There." he threw the towel into the sink. "Done." Chuckling he ruffled Toby's hair, "Damn ,Beech, you look like one of those trolls toys."
"Fuck off, Stabler." Toby huffed turning to the mirror and raking his hair back with his hands.
"You know vanity is a sin?" Elliot drawled, snaking his arms around Toby's waist, and resting his chin against his shoulder, meeting his eyes in the mirror.
"You shold know, Mr. MyBody'sMy Temple." Toby grinned at him.
Kneading his slim waist Elliot breathed against his ear, "With my body I thee worship."
"Oh, for fuck's sake, Stabler," Toby groaned turning to face him, "why do you always have to say the right thing." He planted a lazy slow kiss on Elliot's lips. "Sappy, but," he nipped at his lower lip, "sappy's good." He licked a lazy trail over the rim of the said lip. "Sometimes."
"Like.... right now." Elliot groaned lapping at his tongue.
"Like right now." Toby nodded grinning like a lunatic.
"But not all the time." Elliot said shaking his head, laughter bubbling up.
"Noooo..." Toby drawled out the vowel, "we're two red blooded American men, Goddamit. We don't do sappy."
Chuckling at that Elliot kissed the tip of Toby's nose. "Yeah, Goddamnit."
"Yeah, that'll show them."
Elliot slapped his ass playfully. "Watch it."
"Uuuuuu- watcha gonna do? Spank me some more?" Toby grinned. "Cuff me?"
"Oh, you would like that..." Elliot purred, "wouldn't you?"
In a sudden rush of motions Elliot spun him around, and showed him up against the wall.
"Won't you read me my rights, Detective?" Toby chuckled, his breath hitching in his throat as Elliot pressed his knee against his thighs.
"Spread them, Beecher."Elliot panted into his ear.
"This is a blatant violation of my rights, officer," Toby whimpered at the touch of Elliot's wet hot tongue. "It was....my turn."
"Oh you'll get your turn." Elliot purred. "You have my word on it."
It was so easy to allow himself to get carried away in this wonderful beautiful crazy sort of make-believe where Elliot Stabler loved him, wanted him, yearned and begged for him to touch him, to make love to him.
It was so easy to shut the rest of the world out and just enjoy the ride........but Tobias Beecher was never a great fan of all things easy-and he knew that, actually, he had nothing.
Nothing was real. Elliot didn't really love him. Elliot didn't even want *him*.Not really.
He knew he had to end it. He had to let him go.
Watching a small gold rimmed flask Peter Marie had sent him with his sad eyes, and turning it round and round in his hands Toby smiled wryly.
Elliot was at work.
He took the day off- couldn't face anybody. Not that they knew anything. He was sure of it. He *made* sure of it. He just needed to be alone.
Peter Marie called; they talked, he talked, but didn't say much, actually, and he still felt like shit. He still wished he had never even met the fucker, and he still loved the fucker.
Stripped of his powers and all alone.
A hysteric chuckle escaped him. He buried his face into his hands, restless, helpless, feeling a cold touch of glass against his skin- a stark reminder of what he had to do, because he *did* love him- every buttoned up, gloriously strong inch of him....and how intense he got when it came to his work, how passionate, and how thoughtful he was with the vics, the way he smiled when he talked about his kids. God, he really loved the fucker. Stupid mick.
Toby drew a shuddering breath into his lungs. He was meeting him for dinner tonight at his place. He thought it was better if Elliot woke up from it all in his own bed.
"Oh, Jesus," he sighed, his face wet with tears, "oh, sweet Jesus don't let him forget me...................Fuck!" he wiped the tears from his face, "like that's an option." Stifling a whimper Toby got up from a chair. Strange weariness passed over him. He had things to do, people to see, but first thing first.
Sitting at his desk, and riffling through some case files absentmindedly, Elliot lifted his head realizing Olivia was talking to him.
"Sorry..." he smiled.
"You want another cup"? She motioned at the coffee machine, getting up from her desk.
"Nah, thanks, I'm good."
The phone rang and she answered it. "It's for you. "She said handing him the phone. "It's Beecher."
He felt his heart skip a beat, but he played it cool, taking the receiver from her and mumbling a curt "Thanks."
"Yeah," he drawled, with his heart in his throat, "what's up?"
"Hi," came Toby's soft voice, "I just wanted to check-we're still on for tonight?"
"Great. You're getting of at 6, so I'll be there at 8, 8.30?"
"Yes, that's right."
Toby chuckled, his husky laugh sounding so sexy to Elliot. "Fuck babe, which one is it, 8 or 8.30?"
"I'm not sure."
"Ahhhh," Toby drawled, "you can't talk."
"Well, what did you expect?" Elliot growled.
Toby laughed."Is 8.30 ok? Yes or no?"
"Oh,I love it when you talk dirty to me." Toby panted lasciviously.
"Beecher," Elliot growled, trying not to laugh.
"Say it again, baby, say it like you mean it." Toby went on, and Elliot could imagine his blue eyes sparkling with laughter.
"Fuck you, Beecher." Elliot whispered, feeling his groin twitch.
"Oh, but you will, baby, you will."
"I have to go." Elliot mumbled.
"'Key, baby, love you." Toby said, his voice thick with emotion, and it took all of his willpower for Elliot not to say it back out loud, then and there; his soul cried out.
Tonight, he made a vow; he will say it to him over and over again.
" Yeah, see ya."
"What did he want?" Olivia asked coming back to her desk.
"' Asked about my testimony in the Rollins case." Elliot fumbled for some plausible bill of goods.
"When's the trial?"
" `You two getting along?"
"Yeah, I guess." Elliot shrugged his shoulders, downplaying it.
"I told you he's a good guy."
"King among men" He mumbled returning to the files on his desk, Olivia throwing him a funny look at that.
"Hi." Toby said, standing on Elliot's porch, and looking absolutely edible in his black leather jacket and dark blue jeans.
"Hi." Elliot smiled back, stepping back, and inviting him in. Carding a gentle hand through Toby's curls he pulled him in for a quick embrace and a kiss.
" `You hungry?" Toby asked softly, smiled against his lips.
"Yeah," Elliot breathed," kind of."
"I got us Italian." He flashed him an impish grin.
" `Cause Italians do it better?" Elliot chuckled pulling him closer, sliding his hand down his back, and grabbing his pert little ass with a satisfied sigh.
" `Guess we should thank god for your Grandmother Gina then." Toby winked.
"Yeah, `cause it's not just my nose I've got from that side of the family."Elliot winked back.
"Oh? Then I better be careful with the.... "Toby slid a leisurely hand down Elliot's chest and belly, palming his cock, "...family jewels."
His voice catching in his throat Elliot smiled a wide happy smile, shaking his head, and blushing slightly. "C'mon Beecher, let's eat."
Pouring him a fine glass of Chianti Elliot looked at his lover sitting across the table, looking like an angel in the pale flickers of candlelight. "You look so beautiful, tonight." He whispered, dropping his eyes, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden.
"Don't..." Toby grabbed his hand, gentle eyes searching his, "Baby, don't..." Reaching to cup his cheek Toby smiled a smile so gentle it hurt. "You can say anything to me, anything you want.......... "Lost in the eyes of the man his soul yearned for he whispered in confession, "'Cause you are so beautiful to me...........C'mon." He got up, clasping Elliot's hand in his, tugging at him, leading him upstairs. "I want to make love to you."
He was sitting on the edge of the bed, naked, his hands gripping Elliot's hips, his lips hovering over Elliot's smooth bare skin, his breath scattering over it. Closing his eyes, he felt Elliot card a hand through his hair, kneading the back of his neck, and he pressed his lips against the velvety steel of Elliot's belly- gently, reverently, his fingers following the path of his lips.
Puffing a warm breath against Elliot's belly button Toby chuckled at the moan that escaped Elliot.
Looking up to meet the dark blue eyes, Toby licked a lazy trail over the trembling muscles.
Elliot palmed his cheek, sliding a thumb over Toby's lips. "Do you know how beautiful you are? Elliot whispered
His lips locked on Elliot's, Toby nipped at the pad, smiling. "Yeah." He winked.
Dropping to his knees Toby rained wet nibbling kisses over the butterfly tattoo. "Now, let me show you how *good* I am."
Closing the front door of Elliot's house and stepping into a calm and peaceful winter morning, and in his heart " if calm at all, if any calm, a calm despair", Toby smiled to himself wryly. He knew his Tennyson. He shook his head, zipping up his jacket. He sure knew his Tennyson.
Waking to the bright sunlight of his day off, Elliot smiled.
Turning his head on a pillow, looking at the empty spot beside him, he decided to sign the divorce papers. Kathy was gone, and he had to let go.
It was time to move on. Maybe after all there really was someone waiting for him out there somewhere.
Getting up, and carding his hands over his face and through his hair he turned the radio on and went to take a shower.
Across the city, lying in his bed with his eyes closed- stricken deaf and dumb by sorrow and pain, Toby let his tears wet his skin, his ravaged, lovingly devoured body listless in the silence.
Nothing but pain was left. Nothing but pain was real. The pain of loss.
Five days later and he saw him for the first time since that night.
He was standing by an elevator with Capt. Cragen and a blonde knock out- Det. Dani Beck, Toby found out fumbling through the introductions. They looked awfully comfortable together. Toby felt the sharp pang of jealousy. With a curt "Good day" and an uneasy smile thrown their way Toby asked to talk to Capt. Cragen. Elliot threw him a polite smile, and.......nothing more-Toby's heart breaking as he watched him walking away.
Days to come were even worse. Being so close to him and not being able to touch him, to tell him just how much he missed him, was damn right killing him.
Reduced to tears, to a walking talking clich every time their eyes met, Toby was slowly, but surely loosing it. And the evening he stumbled out of Murphy's slightly drunk to stare at Elliot and Dani Beck.....kissing, Toby finally lost it.
He wasn't sure exactly how he managed to hail down a cab, or how the hell he managed to crawl up to his apartment, but few hours later he had successfully drank himself into oblivion.
........a series of strange events. Our Michele Salinas has more. Michele.
Thank you Paul. It sure was a strange night in New York.
It all started on Manhattan, with hydrants exploding all over the lower east side, city lights, reportedly, blinking out an obscene message in Morse code......
He opened his blood shot eyes to a ceiling of a hospital room. Faint beeping of a heart monitor confirmed that he was alive. Barely.
"Tobias," came Peter Marie's voice, "how are you feeling?"
"Like shit." He croaked his throat sore.
"Tobias Allan Beecher," she frowned, "I'll have your mouth washed with soap!"
He smiled weakly, closed his eyes.
"What were you thinking?" She said sitting down on the bed, taking his hand in hers.
"I wasn't." He sighed. "Obviously."
"You almost drank yourself to death."
To that Toby only shrugged his shoulders.
"Tobias," she sighed exasperated, "what will I do with you?"
"He told me he loved me!" Toby keened, feeling the tears slipping down his face. "Can't you see-"he covered his eyes with trembling hands," can't you see what I've done to him!"
"Toby," she reached to grab his hand, looking deep into his eyes now, "You can't *make* someone love you," she smiled carding a gentle hand through his hair, "not by magic, not by any kind of witchcraft."
Looking at her with so many questions in the cornflower blue of his eyes, Toby felt his heart beat faster; he could actually hear it beat faster on the heart monitor.
Chuckling at that, Peter Marie crooned, "He'll remember when he's ready."
Toby tried for a smile. Closing his eyes he sighed. "I'll be all right, Pete. Either way."
I'm sure you will, honey." She squeezed his hand. "I'm sure you will."
He took unpaid leave, and went upstate. He stayed at Ryan's. Two weeks later he was back. So was Olivia Benson. He tried not to be too happy about it. Needless to say, he failed miserably.
He still loved the fucker.
He still wanted the fucker, but he was learning how to live without him.
It would've been much easier if he didn't get to see him all the time; but he sure tried.
He heard about the divorce. Katherine McClain, a colleague of his told him. They went out for a drink one time. They ended up in bed. It was a one time thing, actually. He felt so lonely, and horny. He was tired of jerking off, and he thought he liked her. Pretty soon she was starting to get on his nerves though-like right now.
She was leaning in, reaching to adjust his tie, her vermilion red lips smiling at him, and all he could think of was Elliot who was standing just a couple of feet away, talking to his partner-the two of them obviously going over their testimonies.
"Good luck." Katherine leaned closer, planting a kiss on his cheek, staining it with her lipstick, reaching her hand up, and cleaning the smudge with her thumb, smiling gently at him. "Go get them."
"Thanks." He mumbled, his eyes downcast, his hand coming up to his cheek to wipe her touch off .
Reaching for a doorknob he looked up to meet Elliot's eyes, funny little shiver going through his body at the look in the sapphire depths.
"State vs McKenna" a bailiff barked.
"That's us." Toby mumbled, Stabler's narrow eyed glower making his hands shake. What the fuck's wrong with the fucker. Toby thought. What did I do now!
Stepping of the witness stand and going over to take a seat at the back of the courtroom, Ellliot nodded to his partner in support. She was next.
Nothing to worry about, he thought, Beecher was great. The guy's going down. They had him this time. He was looking to 40 years to life. "Sweet." as Fin would put it.
"Detctive Benson, you have checked the defendant for weapons?"
"Yes, he had none on him."
"This is the gun that as used in Katherine, Allison and Terry McKenna's murder? " Toby asked Olivia handing a document to the judge."Your honor, prosecution introduces evidence c-29"
"Yes, the ballistics comfirmed it."Olivia nodded her head.
"And the defendant's prints were found on it?"
"The murder weapon is a standard police issue 9 mm Beretta...the same weapon officer Ronald Mahaffy, the defendant's brother-in-law, reported stolen two months prior."
"Objection, your honor. Relevance." Tim Allenby, McKenna's lawyer stood up.
"It goes to show premeditation, you honor." Toby stated calmly.
"I'll allow it."
"Detective Benson?" Toby turned to Olivia.
"Yes, the weapon was reported stolen from officer Mahaffy's house two months prior to McKenna murders.
"Detective you stated that the defendant's prints were found on the murder weapon? What explanation did the defendant offer?"
"The defendant claims officer Mahaffy sold him the gun. Officer Mahaffy-"
"Objection! Hear say!"
"Detective Benson is the officer in charge of this investigation, your honor." Toby's voice was firm.
"Mr Allenby," the judge frowned,"you know better. Over rulled."
"The defendant claims Roland Mahaffy, a decorated police officer, sold him his side arm?" Toby threw an incredulous look at the jury.
"Yes. Officer Mahaffy, obviously, denies the accusation."
"Thank you detective."
As Beecher continued to go through the details of McKenna's arrest with Olivia, Elliot drifted away transfixed by the sound of Beecher voice.
Stopping in a doorway of a darkened room, the first thing he saw was a blood spattered teddy bear- one of those Care bears, all fluffy and white, screaming innocence, and cotton candy and baby teeth.
With every step he ventured deeper into hell. A little girl, he guessed she was 5, lay on the floor beneath a window with her arms and legs pulled to her chest, her blond hair tousled over her face, the wall behind her spattered with her blood, and her brains.
Her older sister, in her early teens, lay on her bed- her pillow drenched with blood, her face so pale, and her lips blue, her eyes closed. She didn't see her killer.
The younger girl was not so lucky.
"A universe of death..." he heard Toby sob for breath, his eyes scattering over the darkened room," where all life dies, death lives, and nature breeds perverse, all monstrous things, abominable, inutterable, and worse...." his voice broke."God...." He turned away and met Elliot's eyes.
"That..." Elliot frowned with a sudden flash of memory," that's...Tennyson?"
"No," Toby muttered, his face pale, his voice barely above a whisper, "not Tennyson, Milton."He needed to get out of there, as far as possible, and as soon as possible. "Sorry, I..." he pushed past him, "I need some air."
Stepping outside into a cold late February night, and bracing his hands against the railing of the front steps to the building he tried to pull some air into his lungs, feeling the tears welling in his eyes.
"Beecher," he heard Elliot's voice and he felt his hand on his shoulder, gripping tight"I wish I could tell you things are going to get better, easier." Stabler's voice was low, filled with emotions, with pain and anger, and sadness, so much sadness.
"How can anybody do such a thing?" Toby sobbed, turning to meet his eyes, breathless in the dark, latching to him, feeling Elliot's hands coming round him.
They stood like that as sirens blazed around them, uniforms controlling the crowd, Fin and Munch pulling to the curb and getting out of the car.
Pulling back, wiping the tears from his eyes Toby mumbled, his voice trembling,"I...I better go. Judge Moore will sign that warrant now."He started down the stairs.
Elliot shrugged his smile weak."Take care."
"Yeah." Toby said turning away.
Clouds that had crowded the sky for the greater part of the day cleared under a gush of wind and a single ray of light streamed through a window hitting Beecher's hair as he went back to his desk and called Jerome McKenna to the stand.
Elliot Stabler was a good Catholic, and had spent a great deal of his life gazing upon saints and angels adorning stain glass windows, walls and altars of the churches; and now he was certain he was looking at one- a beautiful blue-eyed angel of God, St Michael Archangel himself, risen in all his glory above the world, ready to smite down the devil.
He felt his heart hammering in his chest, and he couldn't take his eyes of him.He saw him turning, going to his desk, and his eyes found his-and he felt pure rapture.
Raising his pint of Guinness, Elliot looked around the table at the people sitting there, his colleqaues, his friends,and....... Toby.
,,Cheers. " He said clinking his glass against Toby's, smiling at the blonde.
They were at Murphy's bar celebrating, and they were getting plastered, royally plastered. Even Huang decided to join in. Very Zen like of him.
Chuckling at something Munch was telling him Toby took yet another sip of his beer feeling warm and all tingly inside, just because of Elliot Stabler's thigh pressed against his in a cramped up booth at Murphy's.
,,We did well, people." Capt. Cragen raised his glass.
,,Damn right." Munch joined in.
,,Beecher sure ripped the guy a new one." Fin grinned.
Feeling his cheeks burning Toby smiled, raised his glass to him. ,,Oh, no, the guys in OZ are going to take care of that.
In a sudden silence Olivia and Elliot exchanged amused looks, Capt.Cragen tried to hide his smile.
,,Amen to that. " Munch drawled.
,,Damn, Beecher, "Fin leaned back against the upholstery, raising his glass to him, "didn't know you had it in you.Cheers, man. "
,,Ah, they grow so fast. " Elliot ruffled Toby's hair, and Toby felt like melting in a pile of goo right then and there.
,,Wanna share a cab? " Toby turned to Elliot, not looking at him, concentrated on buttoning up his coat instead.
,,I'm going back to the precinct, 'gonna crash in there. "
,,You are not driving, though? " Toby looked at him, frowning.
,,No, I had too much to drink. " Elliot said as if to a child, laughter sparkling in his eyes.
,, 'Key, we can still share a cab. I'm going your way. "
,,I thought you lived on Long Island."
,,Yeah. Sold the place. "Toby mumbled, dropping his eyes to the NY pavement. "Too many memories. "
,,You do what you have to. " Elliot sighed, raising his eyes to the sky. ,,We better go. "He said after a moment. "I'm freezing my ass out here. " He raised a hand to hail down a cab.
Yeah, that's it Stabler, Toby thought to himself; make me think of your ass.
Trying not to look at the said ass, Toby sidled up beside Elliot at the back seat of the cab, trying to keep as much space between them as possible without being obvious.
They gave the driver the addresses, and kept silent for the rest of the drive. The driver was jobbing away, though; the fact that he was the sole contributor to the both ends of the conversation didn't seem to bother him much.
They stopped in front of Toby's building. He paid the driver. Getting out of the car and leaning against the door he threw Elliot a shy smile. ,,Well, see you tomorrow, Detective. "
,,'You have coffee? "
Now, that was a surprise if he ever heard one, Toby thought; all he said, though, was a simple minded"Huh? ".
Beecher's apartment was rather small, and kind of bare, not at all what you would expect from a young hot shot ADA coming from old money.
Crossing over a living-room area and pausing in front of some built in book shelves; Elliot checked its content with a curious eye.
No law books- strange. The guy didn't strike him as a 9 to 5 kind of man. Well ...he shrugged his shoulders; it goes to show how you never can tell.
Now that one made sense. Elliot thought carding his fingers over the bossed letters of the Collected Works of WilliamShakespeare..............His restless fingers carded over the book covers. Tennyson.....Blake, Milton...Wordsworth, Thoreau, Emerson. "I see you like to keep things light."
"What?Sorry, I didn't hear you." Toby appeared in a dooray.
"Nothing," Elliot smiled at him, "just admiring your books."
"Yeah," Toby huffed, kind of embarrassed," coffee will be ready in a minute. How do you take it?"
"Black." Elliot grinned." Just a pinch of sugar."
"No sweet'n'low?" Toby's eyes sparkled impishly.
"Smart ass."Elliot glowered at him.
"Make yourself comfortable." Toby said, smiling, shaking his head, and going back to the kitchen.
With a grin still firm on his face Elliot returned to snooping.
He had to hand it to the guy; his taste in music was implacable- some old jazz, some classical music, Sinatra, Jonny Cash....Cave, Led Zeppelin, Tool....nothing more embarrassing than some `40s show tunes, and -he couldn't help from laughing- Hot Chocolate.
Toby appeared in a doorway, looking at him with those big beautiful eyes.
"Hot Chocolate?" Elliot didn't even try to hide his grin.
Coming to him, handing him a cup of coffee, Toby quirked an eyebrow at him,"Would you rather I had some Wayne Newton in there?"
Elliot grinned giving him the look. Taking a sip out of a red porcelain mug he drawled. "Good coffee."
"Kona." Toby said holding his eyes.
"No porn, I see."Elliot jerked his head towards the shelves.
"Oh, I don't keep that kind of stuff out here for everyone to see, Detective." Toby drawled. "Might give people all kinds of erroneous ideas."
"We all have prejudices of some kind."
"Yeah, I guess." Toby took a sip of his coffee." Like with your tattoos."
"What's with my tattoos?" Elliot frowned, tickled by the plural.
"They are..." Toby shrugged his shoulders,"interesting."
"Oh? `You have any?"
"Nah. Never had a hankering."
"Afraid of needles?" Elliot winked at him.
Elliot raised his eyebrows at him, laughter in his eyes.
"No." Toby huffed.
"What's with my tats?" Elliot pressed.
"It's not just your tats," Toby paused not knowing how to put it, trying not to offend," You have that....intimidating air around you...." Toby huffed, feeling the celebrated narrow eyed glower on his skin now.
"Um, shit Stabler you scare the shit out of people, ya know." Toby paused, locking his eyes with Elliot's.
" I don't know why, though." He said, dropping his eyes." Elliot, you're a good man.." Taking a shuddering breath, Toby raised his eyes to Elliot's again.
They stood face to face, silent, and drawing closer.
Lost in Toby's cornflower blue eyes Elliot felt his heart beating loud and fast.
"Don't say that." He whispered
"Why?" Toby worked his hand up between them, placing it against his chest, leaning in, and feeling his heart beating fast. "That's the truth." He said nuzzling his jaw.
"What," Elliot closed his eyes, his breath catching in his throat,"Toby what....are you doing?"
"Kissing you." Toby murmured, his lips coming to meet Elliot's in a perfectly wonderful kiss.................... that lasted for only a heartbeat.
Breaking the kiss, stepping back, his eyes wide in horror, afraid he ruined it all Toby started in a low hurried voice,"I...Elliot, I'm sorry, I..."
"Toby," Elliot grabbed his hands, pulling him closer, dropping his eyes to find his, "It's all right. It's all right."He pulled him into a tight embrace, feeling the sinewy arms going round his waist, the blond head resting on his shoulder now."You know, I've been always partial to blondes." He murmured nuzzling Toby's temple, kissing his forehead, the cute nose, searching for Toby's lips.
Kissing him back, kneading his slim waist, Toby burrowed into him.
Elliot slid his hands down Toby's back and cupped his ass, making the blonde gasp.
"Toby," Elliot breathed against his lips."I want you. Now."
"Yes," Toby obviously had trouble breathing. "Do you have anything?" He asked closing his eyes, feeling a full body blush coming on.
"No.You?" Elliot said his breathing hard, resting his forehead against Toby's.
"Dunno."Toby chuckled cupping the man's magnificent ass."It's been a while. I don't think so...We..," he swallowed,"we don't need to fuck."
"Baby," Elliot growled nuzzling Toby's ear, flicking his tongue against the rim,"I don't want to fuck. We..." he looked deep into Toby's eyes,"are going to make love, baby."
And Toby felt like he was dying, his heart breaking into million pieces.
Toby looked at him, not understanding, not right away, his breath catching in his throat in one of that cute hmphy sounds of his.
"I love you baby." Elliot whispered. "It's that simple.I love you."
"But, how?" Toby frowned."When?"
Elliot smiled. "Some sleeping beauty, huh?"
"You fucker!" Toby huffed, incredulous, stepping back, angry all of a sudden, and relieved, and happy, so damn happy they must've been able to hear his heart beating all the way to Japan, and he was reaching for him, crushing him against himself, crushing their lips together in a desperate gloriously gentle kiss.
"You fucking asshole." Toby growled coming up for breath.
"But you do love me." Elliot chuckled.
""Fuck, yeah." Toby whispered diving for another kiss. "Oh, God, yeah."
"I thought you lost your powers." Elliot said resting his head against Toby's shoulder as they sat on the front steps of their house watching 4th of July fireworks exploding over their heads.
"Apparently, the force is strong in me." Toby chuckled throwing his arm around his lover's shoulders, pulling him closer.
Kissing him lightly on the lips, and grinning like a love-struck teenager Elliot growled. "Oh, I can vouch for that."
"As one Jedi to another," Toby paused nipping at Elliot's lips, kissing him back, "I'm kind of thirsty. `You?"
"Yeah." Elliot breathed against his lips.
"Guinness?" Toby asked lapping at Elliot's tongue.
"Guinness." Elliot said sucking Toby's hungry tongue in."Definitely."
Grateful for the cool evening, sprawled lazily and stuffed to the gilds, Pyewackett glanced at the two of them through the darkness.
Geez. He huffed closing his eyes, and smiling at the idea forming in his mind.
"Pye." Toby's voice came in admonishment.
Drat. Lately the guy was no fun.
Cracking an eye open at the sexy meow calling for him from the neighbor's garden, though, Pye didn't have the heart to hold it against him. After all, love is love.
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