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Takes place after Revenge is Sweet

Captivated

by Anne


Captivated

by Anne

Chris walked by Toby's pod and saw his former lover napping peacefully on the bottom bunk; the bunk where they had made love so many times. He stopped and opened the door quietly, fearing he might wake Toby.

He walked in and stood by the bunk, his hands clasped in front of him. Toby was probably the only person he knew who could sleep in the middle of the day in Oz, totally relaxed and unafraid. In spite of all the evil things Toby himself had done, he still believed in the good in people. That was one of the reasons Chris loved him so much. It was the reason Chris began to believe in the good inside himself.

It was also the reason Toby infuriated him sometimes. That deep-seated belief is what made Toby think he could earn Vern's forgiveness and what ultimately led to Gary's death and Toby's estrangement from Chris. Still, Chris knew that if given a chance, he wouldn't change that part of Toby.

Toby was curled up on his side, in a fetal position. His dark golden hair, which had grown fairly long lately, rested against the pillow in soft, curly strands. Chris felt an urge to reach down and run his strong fingers through the silky tresses but held himself back.

Beecher's face was completely tranquil; his wide, luscious mouth was slack and inviting. All the pinched tension Chris had seen there so often lately was completely gone. His almost invisible lashes lay against his face, so softly. Toby's forehead was smooth and flat, the lines he usually bore, expunged by sleep.

This man who slept so peacefully was very different from the tormented one who woke up from nightmares about Kathy Rockwell in the first few weeks after Chris had arrived. And so unlike the man who had been playing wicked mind games with Chris in the months since Gary's death.

When Toby had come to him in the library yesterday to tell him of Ronnie's impending betrayal, Chris didn't want to believe. He had known Ronnie all of his life; had loved him like a brother. Hell, he'd even told Ronnie he loved him after they`d had sex the first time. Even if Chris didn't mean it, Chris thought Ronnie was convinced.

Something in Toby's expression struck him. It was almost a confessional quality. As if Toby felt compelled to tell him. Toby was well aware he was putting Ronnie on the sacrificial alter, so to speak. Toby would never do something like that out of jealousy, Chris knew. He also understood that Toby would be living on the guilt of Ronnie's death for weeks to come.

Chris didn't kill Ronnie because he was afraid of being convicted of the crimes, although that certainly was a factor. No, he killed Ronnie because Ronnie had betrayed him after a lifelong friendship. Toby was the only one who understood Chris, the only one he could trust completely.

Chris thought he had lost that when Toby accused him of killing Gary. But he knew now that Toby would do anything to protect him; he knew that Toby truly loved him. There was no reason to doubt anymore.

Chris chuckled softly to himself as he watched Toby sleep. None of that really mattered anyway because Chris knew nothing could make him stop loving Toby. Even through all the weeks of separation and of mind fucks, Chris loved Toby with a depth he'd thought himself incapable before coming to Oz. He was completely captivated by this man with a gentle soul and the heart of a lion.

Without warning, the door banged open with a loud smack and Murphy stood there.

``Keller, what are you doing in here?''

``Nothing,'' he said quietly and nodded toward Toby's sleeping form.

Murphy knew the two had been at odds for weeks and thought Keller might be up to something. Now, he saw that Chris had a different purpose here today. Thank God. Maybe we'll all have some peace now, he thought and nodded at Keller before letting the door close.

Toby tossed and lay on his back. His eyes fluttered open and he looked around the room, surprised to be waking up in the middle of the day.

``Chris? What are you doing here?''

``Why you napping in the middle of the day? You sick?''

``Nah,'' he said, sitting up. ``I had trouble sleeping last night. I guess it caught up with me.''

Chris nodded and bent down so he was face to face with Toby. ``Listen, Toby, thanks for telling me about Ronnie.''

Toby nodded but didn't speak. He rested his head in his hands and sighed.

Chris touched his arm and Toby looked up at him. ``Hey, I know what this cost you,'' Chris said, his eyes searching Toby's for understanding.

``Chris?'' Toby asked, his heart hoping.

Chris sighed and breathed deeply. ``Toby, I love you. I never stopped.''

Toby closed his eyes as relief and joy flooded through him. He felt Chris' arms around him and he knew that, for today at least, he would be happy.

--------------

I'll Be

by Edwin McCain

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful

Stop me and steal my breath

Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky

Never revealing their depth

Tell me that we belong together

Dress it up with the trappings of love

I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips

Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.

(chorus) I'll be your crying shoulder

I'll be love suicide

I'll be better when I'm older

I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

Rain falls angry on the tin roof

As we lie awake in my bed

You're my survival; you're my living proof

My love is alive and not dead.

Tell me that we belong together

Dress it up with the trappings of love

I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips

Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.

(chorus) I'll be your crying shoulder

I'll be love suicide

I'll be better when I'm older

I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

I've dropped out, burned up,

fought my way back from the dead.

Tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said. --------

Please send feedback to Anne.