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DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction, I own neither rights to the characters nor to the series.
I used the awsome transcripts from http://www.angelfire.com/realm/trasker/oztranscripts.html
as a frame for my story, with some changes here and there.
I wanted to stay close to the story-line of the episode and yet make some significant changes.
When Toby returned to his pod, Chris was already there, looking as smug as ever.
"What are you doing here?"
"I asked Querns to transfer me back. I guess he convinced McManus. Even made us
"Nothing's changed, Chris."
"I know, you've got the top bunk, just like before."
Dammit did Chris think this was funny. To him it sure as hell wasn't.
"I mean my feelings haven't changed. I'm gonna go to McManus, ask him to move me to
another pod.", Toby turned around and left the pod.
"Move me to gen pop."
"Toby, Goddamn it."
This guy wasn't even taking him seriously. Toby spun around. "Look, will you get it through your
head, I don't want you in my life." Toby looked exasperated.
"After everything I've done for you."
Was he really trying to play the guilt trip on him? Wrong move buddy.
"Yeah, like almost getting me sent to death row.", Toby retorted.
"Hey, if it weren't for me, pal, you'd be in the morgue instead of Schillinger.", Chris was moving
even closer, voice full of barely contained anger and hurt feelings.
Hurt feelings? Did Chris really think he had the right to feel wronged? After everything he'd done.
"But if you think I got any satisfaction out of killing him, you wrong. You don't
know me at all.", After all this time. Had they really got to know so very little of each other. After
all they'd shared.
"I don't know you?", Chris shrugged dismissively, "I know you're free of that Nazi fuck.", he
turned around before he even finished the final sentence and walked away.
No, Toby wouldn't let him have the last word in this. Walking off feeling all superior. He went
after him, stopping him short before their pod.
"No, I'm not.", he pressed out between gritted teeth, "No more free then I am of his two sons.
Or Metzger. Or Cathy Rockwell.", he paused the words weighting hard on him. Then he continued
with less anger in his voice, silently pleading Chris to see his point, "Chris, after six years in this
place, I'm not sure about anything anymore...Heaven, justice, truth. The only thing I believe in
is life, every life is precious. Not just yours or mine, but every single person on the planet who's
breathing, their lives are precious. And the loss of a single life, even in Oz, is my loss, too.", he
finished his speech, his eyes appealing to Chris to please understand what he was trying to tell
Chris had turned away during Toby's final sentence. Maybe because hearing those words had
been too much to take. Maybe because he couldn't bare to listen to this shit any longer. Now
he faced Toby again.
"Well, that's bullshit.", Chris stared at him tantalizingly, daring him to refute him, "The only thing
that matters is you and me."
Toby had turned away, taking a pained breath, putting his face in his palms.
Of course not. It was time to finally give up on him. Chris would never change. He would do
what he'd done to him again, in the blink of an eye. Always. Again and Again.
Reasoning with him was like trying to talk sense into an alligator.
"I don't expect you to understand. You kill for sport."
It was aimed to hurt and it sure hit home. Though Chris tried to keep up a nonchalant demeanor.
"I don't understand? I'm not the one who got here by accident, pal.", his voice was low and
contained, yet rage, disappointment and hurt visibly boiled under surface, waiting to break out,
"I kill because I have to. I kill what stands in my way, like the Aryans."
"What? What about the Aryans?"
"They're no threat to us anymore. I took care of that."
The small smile that had already regained some of Chris' usual cockiness, meant nothing good.
It meant someone was going to get hurt.
"How? How'd you take care of it?"
"Never mind.", the smile still in place, Chris put his hands at each side of Toby's neck, pulling
him closer, thumbs caressing Toby's face, "Kiss me."
Toby pulled away from him, "Wait. Answer me this first, okay?", now it was his turn to take Chris'
face into his hands, keeping their eyes locked "I want you to be honest, okay? Did you purposely
fuck up my parole?"
He wasn't sure on what sense of honesty, hidden deep inside Chris, he was appealing.
Chris turned away from him, the small smile still in place and moved towards the railing.
There he stopped, leaning against it with his back.
He started laughing to himself, as if there'd been a joke only he'd understood.
"Toby, I couldn't face the rest of my life living in here without you.", his expression moved from
serene, to fierce, back to serene, "Don't you see? I did what I did out of love."
Toby evaded Chris' movements to get closer to him. Damn, maybe a little part of him had hoped,
that it had been a coincidence. But of course not. He was surprised Chris really told him the
truth. Maybe he would have been happier not to know it.
"If. You. Really. Love. Me, then leave me alone.", Toby felt drained. Drained, weary, gutted.
Chris looked at him as if he couldn't believe Toby would even ask this of him, slightly shaking his
head, showing a hint of an unbelieving smile.
"I can't.", he sounded pained.
Toby raised his hands, trying one final, desperate attempt to explain himself to Chris, "Listen to
me, listen to me. I loved alcohol. I loved heroin.", Every word hurt by now, "I had to put them
behind me because they were poison.", yet he knew he had to finish this, now, before Chris
managed to eventually destroy him. Destroy them both. "Death. You are death. Let me
live." It physically hurt to say those words to Chris. How could he still love him after all this.
He pleaded with Chris. Pleaded with him for his life. He knew he had to do it. He knew.
Chris looked crestfallen, still trying to smile, resigned. Toby knew how much he'd hurt him. If
he'd ever had doubts about the depth of Chris' feelings...one look at his strained face would
have convinced even Agent Taylor that Chris Keller was able to feel love to the deepest parts
of his soul.
The same soul-crushing feeling, the same pain that seemed to paralyze Toby's heart right
Chris nodded, as if to himself, as if slowly admitting to himself that it was really over. That this
was it. All the fights. All the feelings. All the love.
Then he suddenly grabbed Toby by the neck, pulling him towards him.
"Motherfucker!", Toby tried to rip himself free, but Chris kept his hold of his face pressing it
against his own into a violent kiss. Their lips met in a way that was anything but tender. It was
only a short, fleeting touch. Though it's roughness and the nearly painful hold of Chris' hands,
it felt nearly chaste to Toby. He could feel the depth of Chris feelings in it. The regret they both
felt at how it ended. Yet he also felt Chris' unapologetic way in it. This is how I am, this is how
you knew me, this is how you loved me. I would do it all over again.
And deep down Toby knew he would do it all over again too, all the same.
All the heartbreak.
All the anger.
All the missed chances.
It was such a short moment. Only an instance. And yet Toby felt like all their feelings, all the
memories, all they'd been through came together in this one kiss.
It tasted like goodbye.
That was when he knew.
Their faces moved apart again, "Toby, I love you.", Chris rasped out with an air of desperation.
Than his face turned into a smile again, and he leaned back.
Toby grabbed Chris by his shoulders, pulling him away from the railing, using his body to push
him away, reversing their positions.
Chris struggled. It all went so fast. The only thing Toby knew was that he had to get Chris away
from that railing.
Chris just wouldn't give in. Either of them pushed and struggled. Why hadn't one of the hacks
shown up by now? Eventually he managed to give Chris a hard shove that sent him to the floor,
Toby lost his footing, stumbling backwards.
He didn't even realize what happened until it had. He only saw Chris panicked face,
trying to move towards him, trying to grab him.
Toby looked up, his eyes still locked with Chris'. Then everything went black.
Chris didn't know how long he'd been walking the maze by now, when Sister Peter tentatively
approached him. He turned to her flashing his regular smile, that didn't reach the eyes this time.
"God is a funny fellow, Sister. See, Toby decided this morning to cooperate with the FBI
to help them convict me. He thought I didn't knew, but it was clear the second I saw his guilty
"And now he does something like this. Why would he do something like this? Why, after he told
me that he didn't care? That it was over."
"You didn't push him, did you?"
"No. You know, I did what I did out of love."
"Oh, love is used as an excuse for so many things."
"No. I really do love him, Sister."
"And he loves me. How else would you explain this to me? When God was designing the
universe, why did he make something so wonderful so fucking painful?"
"I think he thought we could handle it."
"Hey, Andenaur, check it out. You got a package."
"Hmm, no name, no return address.", he pulled out a jar of white powder.
"What the fuck is this?"
"I don't know.", Adenaur said pulling of the top off the jar.
The jar hit the floor at the same time Adenaur did. The other Aryans followed before even on
of them had managed to flee the room.
"They're all dead?", Querns asked incredulously.
"Yes, plus two C.O.'s.", Doctor Nathan answered.
"I'm not sure, but it could be any number of toxins or chemicals. I cordoned off
the area, but I've got to tell you, this is way beyond my expertise.", she had experienced a lot
in her time at OZ. But she would be more than happy to get this off her hands.
"What do we do?"
"Call the state bio-terrorism unit, and clear out the entire complex, fast!"
"Proceed immediately to level one, emergency evacuation. Proceed..."
"Where are we going to take them?", Murphy asked.
"Beats the shit out of me. All I've been told is the move is temporary. We'll be back,
someday.", McManus answered. He wouldn't let this ruin his vision. Em City had survived a lot
and it would survive this too, this and more.
Everywhere in OZ they were evacuating as fast as possible. No one wanted to stay in this
bio-hazardous hell longer than necessary.
"Come on, move it! Let's go!"
They patients in the infirmary were made ready to get moved. Those who were able to walk,
taken out to the busses with the regular prisoners.
"Let's go, come on, let's go!"
Chris was ushered into one of the busses, containing most of the population of Em City. He took
a window place. For what he could say they were nearly complete now. Only those who were in
the infirmary right now, were missing.
Chris had expected they'd be transported on a different bus, but then he saw Poet, who'd been
down with the flu, entering the bus.
There'd been six inmates of Em City in the infirmary, at the time of the evacuation. But only
one of them, Chris gave a damn about.
Finally they'd all boarded the bus.
"Move to the back of the bus." one of the hacks yelled at them.
Toby took his place beside Chris. They smiled at each other.
"Thought they would transport you with one of the ambulances."
"There are obviously greater emergencies than a broken leg."
They looked at each other for a while, blending out the mayhem around them.
"It was you with the Aryans right?"
"Yeah", Chris smiled at him self-conscious, "Is it..Does it matter?"
"After everything, including your nearly jump and my fall, being mad at you isn't my highest
priority right now."
"I can't believe you only broke a leg."
"I can't believe you tried to jump."
"I was desperate."
"I forgive you. Will you forgive me too?"
"Wanting to sell you of to Taylor. Sister Pete told me you knew."
"Anything. Anything for you, Toby.", Chris rested his forehead against Toby's.
The busses started. Slowly one after the other moved out of the car park in front of OZ.
"If you give it a thought, we had some incredible luck.", Toby mused, entwining their hands into
"Yeah", Chris smiled, moving Toby's hand to his lips, "Yeah, that's right."
"A lot of people thought we'd never reopen Emerald City."
"Came out like nothing was happening."
"I killed a man."
"Lights out, O'Reily."
"Good night, Toby."
"Good night, Chris."
"Follow the routine."
"We tell you when to eat, when to sleep, and when to piss."
"So, what have we learned? What's the lesson for today? For all the never-ending days
and restless nights in Oz? That morality is transient? That virtue cannot exist without
violence? That to be honest is to be flawed? That the giving and taking of love both debases
and elevates us? That God or Allah or Yahweh has answers to questions we dare not even ask?
The story is simple. We live. We fall in love. We hurt. And sometimes, sometimes we become
happy. In prison, the same as everywhere else. That's the human part. The only part worth
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