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Written for the Five for Six Challenge at oz_rapsheet.

Five Jobs Claire Howell Worked Before Oz

by Ozsaur

"Fired? I quit!" Claire spat in the french fries, shoved the condiment crate off the counter and stomped out the door. The cocksucker was lucky she didn't shove a McMuffin right up his ass.


"Claire? Please leave the nightlight on. Please? Claire? Don't close the door, it's dark in here. Please? Don't leave me in the dark! Please!"

Claire leaned against the door and listened to the muffled sounds on the other side. Yeah, that'd teach those tightwads to always come back late and stiff her on the extra time.


"I don't know why you're so surprised. What made you think the police academy would take someone who dropped out of community college?"

Claire's hand tightened on the handle of the coffee pot. It was hot and full, even after topping off the bum who sat at the counter all day nursing a single cup of joe. She made her way to the end of the lunch counter where Betty was bending over and reaching for something while still yakking her stupid head off.

"You have to have all kinds of qualifications to be a cop. I told you that before, but you didn't listen."

She stood right behind Betty, letting her hand loosen on the handle of the coffee pot. Abruptly, Betty straighted up. She didn't quite nudge the coffee pot so Claire moved forward just enough to make sure it rammed into her back.

Claire had to hide her smile when the screaming started. It was an accident, after all. A really tragic accident. It was an accident that she hadn't been able to figure out a way to throw the hot coffee in that bitch's fucking face.


"I could turn you in for shop lifting, you know. Pretty boy like you wouldn't last long in jail, even juvie. But I think I've got a way to keep your cute ass from getting drilled by Big Bubba. On your knees."

Claire unbuckled her belt and unfastened her itchy, polyester pants. It wasn't a cop's uniform, but it gave her just enough authority that the boy would do everything she wanted. He was already falling to his knees, staring wide-eyed at her crotch like he'd never seen pussy before. Maybe he hadn't. She wouldn't be surprised if the eye-liner wearing freak was a fag.

She reached out and hooked her hand around the nape of his neck and smashed his face into her pubic bone. "Get on with it, I don't have all day."


Claire glanced up and down the corridor. Empty, except for one nurse gossiping on the phone at the nurse's station. Good.

Carefully turning the knob, she counted, one, two, three, then kicked the door wide open. She stomped into the room with a big grin on her face. "Good morning, sunshine!" she sang out.

God, his expression was priceless. One of these days, she was going to give one of these old geezers a heart attack. Too bad it wasn't today, she was feeling jazzed. But it was early yet.

"I've got news for you, sunshine. You're going to love it."

His gnarled old hands scrambled around the bed, seeking the nurse's buzzer. Claire pulled it off the bed and placed it out of reach. Turning around, she checked the corridor one last time, then closed the door.

This one couldn't talk, which made him one of her favorites. He also had an oxygen tube stuffed up his nose, which was an added bonus.

It would have been simple to turn the oxygen off, but she wasn't supposed to be in the patient's rooms. She was only supposed to keep an eye on ones who got confused or tried to wander off the property. Occasionally, one of the loonier residents would get violent, and then things would get interesting. That didn't happen often, so things got kind of boring.

"I think it would be a lot more fun if I made you guess."

He was making little moaning noises and working his face in a way that both grotesque and hilarious. It really was damn funny watching him try and squirm out of bed, and not move a single inch. Taking the thin oxygen tube in her hand, she gently crimped it.

"Looks like you're just as excited as I am. Do you want the good news right away?"

She put her hand over his mouth, gently, so as not to leave any bruises.

"Oh, c'mon, you're no fun. Guess."

Several minutes later, she started getting bored. She didn't dare stay much longer, either.

"Before I go, I better tell you the good news. I got a new job. At Oswald. Isn't that wonderful?" She walked to the door, but turned to give him a wink. "The bad news is, I won't be starting for another two weeks."

The End
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