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This one was actually the first fic I ever wanted to write for this fandom, but back then I decided to wait 'till I had a better grasp on the English language. I sure hope the wait and the patience were both worth it. This one goes to my dear friend ellipher and to all of those Oz newcomers, hope this piece of crap makes you enjoy yourselves a little, like all the incredible peeps I've come to call friends made me enjoy when I was a newcomer myself a year ago.
As always, Kathierna made a terrific work and the best thing is that she's as sick as I am and I love it! All typos and grammar mistakes left are only mine. As always, remember my tongue and my brains were born south of the border so English is not my mother tongue
Fic by: RogueMarch
Fandom: HBO's Oz
Disclaimer: They belong to Tom Fontana, HBO, Barry Levinson, Chris Meloni, Lee Tergesen - sama, et. al. , but certainly not to me. Not profit intended.
Author notes: This one was actually the first fic I ever wanted to write for this fandom, but back then I decided to wait `till I had a better grasp on the English language. I sure hope the wait and the patience were both worth it. This one goes to my dear friend ellipher and to all of those Oz newcomers, hope this piece of crap makes you enjoy yourselves a little, like all the incredible peeps I've come to call friends made me enjoy when I was a newcomer myself a year ago.
Theme: This is my first foray at angst.
Summary: AU where Beecher and Keller are now out of Oz and were lovers, but not anymore. Ah yeah, and Genevieve didn't kill herself.
Rating: NC - 17
Warnings: Language and M/M action ... but then again, if I have to warn you about those, you are so in the wrong fandom.
Feedback: Flames are used to cook marshmallows, but constructive criticism is love!
Beta: As always, Kathierna made a terrific work and the best thing is that she's as sick as I am and I love it! All typos and grammar mistakes left are only mine. As always, remember my tongue and my brains were born south of the border so English is not my mother tongue.
On with the show!
The city was bathed by the night lights of the urban life the metropolis; the buzz of the electricity gave the impression of joy everywhere the artificial glow was present. Everywhere but the #34-8 of Naples Street.
The small apartment was owned by a very strange man. A very troubled and lonely man; one that had been through hell and back. A man with midnight blue eyes and italian profile, reaching almost the age 50 years, but still, he could be described as sex personified.
Deep inside the darkened place, that very same man was drinking like there was no tomorrow. Trying to forget the past eleven years and failing miserably.
Chris Keller was the kind of a man that never believed in love. Sex and lust, that, he understood. But love, that was the one thing he didn't believe in. But even he, the most cynical man of all had to say that some time ago, there was a moment in his life when he believed in love and romance and all that crap. Yes, it was the same moment he met the most beautiful pair of blue eyes and the sexy lawyer that owned them.
Two months had passed since that last horrible night when Tobias Beecher, Esq. decided that his new life out of Oz couldn't include a recently paroled Keller. The night when Chris' whole world came tumbling down. Toby, HIS Toby, was staying with the Mrs. Not out of love for his wife, but for the well being of his family and name.
What a load of crap.
And with that thought, Chris' heart broke once more. He remembered how Beecher looked that night, how his face was low, how his eyes were closed, how that mouth he adored was telling him that they were done. Oh yes, he remembered everything, every fucking word.
"I can't do this anymore", "The kids need me", "Gen needs a husband", "Now that I'm a lawyer again I have to rebuilt my reputation", "What we had was just a prison thing"... That one had hurt the most.
He had screamed, cried, threatened, almost begged, but nothing had worked, because Beecher had walked away all the same.
So, here he was in the middle of his living room drinking his way to oblivion. Fucking cocksuker lawyer with his baby blue eyes, perfect body, sunshine laughter and a smile that made Chris' toes curl.
Two months had passed and Chris was still trying to forget that "fucking lawyer" and his golden baby soft curls the best way he knew how: doing drugs, drinking and sleeping around. A little sad grin appeared in his mouth as he remembered all the faceless bodies that had shared his bed for the last eight weeks. The only thing he felt was emptiness. Death.
He tried to regain his confidence remembering all the good fucks he had now that he was free, because, you know, the hunter was still alive and kicking. A gorgeous blond in that club, the model in a studio, that producer in the restaurant, Toby, that college student, the girl with the Dalmatian, Toby, the guy at the Photo Parlor, Toby, the debutante in the theater, Toby, Toby, Toby...
He screamed in frustration throwing the empty bottle of beer across the room. The images of Toby were slipping through Chris' head even when he didn't want them to.
Chris raised his head watching the fan spinning around making a sensuous dance in the ceiling.
Closing his eyes, he brought back the memory of early that morning. How that frat boy was defenseless against the attack of his smile and charm, how at the end of the dance the boy was practically begging to be fucked by Chris. Because that was what he was suppose to do, wasn't it?
His sex appeal. His weapon. His power.
Chris Keller wasn't supposed to fall in love. But he had. With the most unexpected person, and he had been rejected.
He was slowly killing himself. Rejection was something he could handle, but rejection from Beecher that was a complete different story.
He had no idea how much time had passed sitting in his couch drinking and missing the lawyer. Months? Years? Hours? Who cared? Toby was out of his life and Chris was back being the slut everyone knew. He wouldn't go to Toby, his ego proving stronger for the first time when Beecher was involved and he certainly wouldn't be celibate. He was tired of recriminations and lies.
Slowly, he left the couch passing through his bedroom; the bed now with fresh lining, hiding the remnants of Chris last sexual confrontation. He stood in front of the door for a couple of minutes trying to remember that boy's name. He remembered the boy being slim and extremely vocal but he couldn't remember the face or even the taste of the skin.
He shrugged and continued his way to the bathroom. He wasn't trying to pretend to care or if he was wrong or not anymore.
What for? He was Chris Keller.
He was looking at the mirror when the doorbell rang. Twice. His face went blank when the doorbell rang again, in a way he could identify even in hell.
The way Toby used to do it.
He almost ran to the door thinking that God must have a morbid sense of humor. Looking through the peep hole of the door, he discovered the silloute of the most precious person for him ever.
Trying to act nonchalant about Toby's presence, he opened the door, eyes closed and asked as fast as he could.
-"What are you doing here?"
Then Chris opened his eyes and was confronted with Toby's pitiful look. Corn flower eyes lost, the hair plastered, forehead covered with sweat. Chris couldn't think of a time when Toby was in such a deplorable state.
-"May I... come in?"- The voice almost a whisper.
Chris curved an eyebrow, surprised.
-"To the house of shame? Are you sure?"
Toby raised his head and looked at Chris. There was no coldness in his eyes, just pure and simple pain.
--"Yeah, whatever, come in"- Feeling shame for himself, Chris stepped away from the door so Toby could enter the apartment.
With his hand he led Toby to the living room, as if it were the first time the blond visited his place. Chris was nervous and scared; he had never seen Toby so vulnerable as this moment.
-"Want something to eat? To drink?" - Chris knew he had to be rude, cold even, in retaliation of the way Toby had treated him the last time, but he just couldn't do it.
-"...I'm not hungry"- Toby answered sitting in the same couch Chris was using before.
-"OK"- Chris sighed.
Toby sat there with his eyes fixed in some place in the wall.
-"I'm having a beer"- Chris said and disappeared into the kitchen not sure how to react or why Toby was in his living room again after two months and that horrible final night.
Toby didn't respond.
Chris came back with a beer and two glasses. He was thinking of the pros and cons of offering a beer to recovering alcoholic, but the lost look on Beecher's face was more than he could manage.
-"You said once this brand used to be your favorite"- Chris said in almost a whisper while purring the Corona in the glasses.
-"Genevieve tried to kill herself"- was the only answer.
-"Yes"- Said the other man, sinking his head in his hands, resting the elbows on his thighs.
-"How?"- Chris was now sitting in front of him, on the coffee table - "Is she ok?"
Toby raised his eyes meeting with the other set of blue orbs.
-"I'm a bad parent, a bad husband ..."
Chris scrunched his face.
-"Why do you say so?"- Chris knew that guilt and Toby will always be part of the same package, but this was ridiculous. Then realization came tumbling down.
-"She blamed you, didn't she?"-
Toby just nodded.
Chris hoped Toby would say something. He waited a little, but seeing the other man kept mute, he decided to break the silence.
-"If you need to cry, be my guest. I won't laugh at you".-
Toby didn't move a single muscle in his body, he was almost an ice statue.
-"Come on, Tobe. Say something before you start doing nursery rhymes!"-
But Toby just kept still.
Chris was starting to freak out because Toby, the one who always loved to talk about every single thing and detail, was as silent as a corpse. Hell, he even looked like one too.
His eyes were begging. His voice was breaking.
Finally, the blond man rose from the couch and walked to the window, his eyes watching the night lights outside.
-"Gen... she did it because I can't be a husband for her" - in his face was written the most cruel devastation- "Even after Oz and everything she had to endure, I can't be her husband."- He passed his right hand across his forehead, brushing away a strand of lose hair and huffed. -"She even told our children that it was my fault, that I'm killing her".-
Chris walked next to him so the blond could look him in the eyes, but still fearful of Toby's reaction. Keller kept his position when there was no reaction whatsoever from the lawyer.
-"It's NOT your fault. That bitch did that to herself!"-
-"But it is my fault, Chris!"-
The older man stared at him gravely.
-"Were you with her when she did it? Did you force her to do it?"-
-"She took a bunch of sleeping pills when I was at the back yard"-
- "If she tried it with a people in the house - deducted the short haired man- she wanted to be found..."-
-"You don't get it! - interrupted the blond man staring intensely to Keller's eyes- My kids found her!"-
Chris felt how his blood started to boil.
-"That miserable cunt is going to be the death of you, Toby! You should take your kids away from her before she does something even more stupid! We all have pasts full of death and pain, but must of us of try to live with that!"-
Beecher rested his head against the glass and pulled a deep breath. His state was of total melancholy.
-"I can't believe you let something like this get to you after everything you went through in Oz"- said Keller.
Toby leaned his body closer to Chris.
-"Let me spend the night here"-
Quickly, Keller took a step away from the window.
-"You ... are joking, right?"-
-"Everyone is with Gen at the hospital and I don't want to be by myself at my house. It is too cold."-
-"And I don't want to fight with you anymore. I couldn't stand it"-
The lawyer turned around ready to go and dryly said: -"Forget it"- . But before he could take a step towards the door, an arm grabbed his shoulder, stopping him.
-"No. Stay. I'll sleep on the couch. You can stay here if you want to"-
Toby turned to stare at Chris' eyes again.
Keller let out a timid smile.
-"Take a shower, I'll leave you some clothes to change into over the sink. I don't know how you don't get mugged with those expensive suits"-
-"Maybe thugs and criminals in general recognize the ex con that I am under those suits"- Toby answered seriously.
-"You are to thin to be thought an ex con, Beech"-
Chris went to his bedroom as Toby started the shower. He could hear how water pattered against the plastic screen of the shower stall, so he sat on his bed, trying to compose himself. This was the first time Toby talked to him about Genevieve without bursting a vein, without recriminations, and Keller didn't know what to make of that.
Besides, the fragility that he had seen in Beecher's eyes was something that made him think of a certain time involving two arian fucks and a gym.
He used a couple of seconds to check out his bedroom and glued his gaze on the picture frame on his night stand. He caressed it and sighed. It was a picture that Toby had taken the first time they were out in a park together and free, almost three years ago. And now, after two months of pure hell, Tobias Beecher, the up town lawyer and married man came back to him as Chris wanted him to: showing real need for him.
A cough from the bathroom brought Keller back to reality, and only then he noticed the lube and condoms on the night stand. Quickly he opened the drawer and stashed everything sex related, because he really didn't want Toby to feel uncomfortable.
Beecher came out of the shower, wearing just sweats and a wife beater and Chris couldn't help feeling a twitch in his groin when he saw Toby covered with droplets of water. Keller had seen him naked thousands of times before, but that was the first time he could not act upon his instincts. Toby had come to Chris' for support, even though Keller couldn't understand why Beecher was so upset about Genebitch's attempt of suicide. Maybe the reason was that Toby, in spite everything he had went through in his life, still believed in loving thy neighbor and yourself.
The only love to himself Chris knew was called masturbation, and the love for thy neighbor, penetration.
There was nothing more.
But he will keep silent.
He saw how Beecher tried to disentangle his gorgeous golden curls, and he just couldn't stop himself. He came closer and took a comb from his dressing table and ordered Toby to sit on the bed.
Beecher watched him wit frozen eyes, untrusting.
-"I only want to comb your hair" - Chris said.
-"You don't have to, Chris, I don't want to cause you anymore troubles"-
-"In spite of...- the older man confessed- how much we've had hurt each other, you can always count on me, Tobe- he took a lock of golden hair and combed it carefully- I hope you know at least that much".-
-"I do know it Chris. - Said the blonde man- If I didn't, why else would I be here"?-
-"Even so- Keller took another lock - it felt like you needed me to remind you that"-
They stood like that in silence for a while. Chris focus was on every golden, bushy, exotic lock of hair.
Keller gave him the comb and left the room with his heart on his stomach, leaving Toby in complete solitude. The lawyer kept silent for a couple of minutes until he himself walked out of the bedroom, only to find Chris leaning against the window that overlooked to the city, eyes stuck on the night sky, more precisely on the constellation of Scorpio.
-"You are avoiding me... so uncharacteristic of the Killer Keller"-
The older man locked his gaze on Toby's profile. If by daylight the blonde was gorgeous, the moon light only made him lethal, making his golden hair shine with unnatural glow. His cute little nose was the thing loved the most on his former lover's face.
-"I envy your family"- Chris' confessed, referring to Toby's wife and kids.
Beecher leaned against the opposite side of the window, watching the nocturnal sky.
-"I'm unfair with them... I love my kids, no doubt about that. I love Genevieve...just not enough. She is very persistent and won't stop until she has everything from me, everything I've promised to give her once upon a time"
-"I haven't seen you like this before. You love her so much?"-
Toby stood straight.
-"I met her when we were just kids, Chris - answered Toby, with his gaze focused on the firmament above- There wasn't a time in my life when I didn't know I was going to marry her someday".-
-"Now she only wants me to suffer as much I made her suffer- Beecher continued- I've tried with all my might to make things right with her, but Gen just acts like I left her to prison on purpose"-
-"I can relate with her feelings, though I still think she is a bitch for blaming you for her own death wish".-
-"I shouldn't have an opinion about her; I made her go through hell and back when I went to Oz... and then I actually fell in love with my pod mate. And I know she lost a son, but for God's sake, Gary was my child too!- Toby clenched his fists with rage- I've paid my debt to society more than enough, so now I've to pay my debt to my wife too?!"
Chris took him by the shoulders trying to give the blonde man some strength.
- "Maybe this is what I have to pay for not loving her like she deserved. For falling in love with someone else when I had her waiting for me on the outside"-
-"Stop torturing yourself, Toby- Chris interrupted quickly- Genebitch is now nothing more than an inquisitor, making your family believe you are responsible for her own misery".
-"You talk like that `cause you don't have to answer to anyone".
Chris gave Toby a coy smile.
-"What do you call three ex wives and an ex prison lover?".
-"This isn't about that. They are your exes. Gen is ... - Toby kept silence, not knowing the right words, but finally giving it a name - ... my wife. It doesn't matter anymore".
Chris bowed his head, sighing.
-"If she is making you feel so miserable, then I think, yeah, it does matter. A lot".
The lawyer didn't answer.
-"I had a commitment to her... to my family, my kids. But I just met you and... you know what happened. Bows be dammed, the Harvard lawyer be dammed... ".-
-"Are you going to push Harry into being a Harvard lawyer?"- Keller asked reluctantly.
-"No- answered the other man- I haven't even told him about that `family tradition'".
Chris' raised an eyebrow.
-"I couldn't see him in the eye while pushing him to pursue a life that hasn't been so happy for me either. Not to be a lawyer, not to marry the best choice Genevieve picks for him - Toby's voice filled with incredible sadness- Not when I wasn't able to keep my own bows by having a relationship with you...".-
Chris gaze was locked on Toby's. It was a tortuous theme.
-"You said it yourself, what we had was a prison thing. - Keller said with pain in his voice- I'm not even sure what our relationship was".
Toby's shoulders slumped, defeated.
-"I like to think that you did love me once. That it wasn't just sex, just an inmate and his prag. That the pain was worth it"-
Chris bared his teeth.
-"You know I would have killed for you ... fuck, I did!. I've loved you since the first time I saw you!"
-"I didn't behave as I should- the sincerity in Chris' voice had left Toby defenseless- I couldn't help feeling I was betraying my wife. I shouldn't have fell for you".-
-"Do you... regret doing it?"- Chris swallowed hardly.
Toby looked at Chris and let go a coy smile that disappeared immediately.
-"We are victims of Oz, Chris"-
-"No. We are victims of our feelings".-
Chris decided to go back to his living room. He didn't know what to tell to the other man or if Toby needed rest or a talk, so he decided to leave the choice to Beecher. When Keller walked close to the blonde, the lawyer's hand grabbed his hand.
-"My public persona makes people respect me profoundly, and my defenses prevent anyone to get to know me. I've been doing it since I can remember and now I'm afraid it's too late to change my ways. I always get so lost in my own head"-
-"Tell me something I don't know"- Chris said half amused by Toby's previous statement.
-"I don't want to be alone tonight, Chris".-
Keller looked at him; his damn summer sky blue eyes bewitching him.
-"And I couldn't take another accusation. If you enter my bed, I want you to stay for ever".-
-"I have responsibilities at home".-
-"Two blonds with blue eyes like their father's"-
-"Have you seen them?"- Toby was somewhat shocked.
-"Is it so hard to believe that I've followed you around? When we were out of Oz together and even after you left me? Yeah, I know how they look like and I have to admit they look like angels".
Chris spoke with sincerity and there was no foul intention behind his words.
-"That's why Sister Pete said you were obsessed with me... following me around..."- Toby was trapped between shock and flattery.
-"Yeah, and you get off knowing that, don't you? That even when I fuck other holes, I'm still thinking about you."-
-"You are incorrigible"- Toby was staring at Chris.
-"Even you believe I am a soulless sex machine without a heart".-
Toby kept silent.
-"Now if you excuse me, I'm going to lay down on my crummy couch".-
He started walking away from the lawyer. His face was grave and his heart, broken. He wished to smoke anything, to drink himself to oblivion, but he wouldn't do it. Keller would wait till Toby was gone, leaving him alone again, before going back to his devious habits.
But that night, he would stay awake, guarding Toby's sleep.
Beecher step close to him blocking his way to the sofa. In that moment when two sets of blue yes collided, the blonde could detect a crack in the taller man's eyes; something no one but him could find there. Because no one but him was brave enough to decipher the secrets of the soul of Chris Keller.
Of the soul of the killer.
Toby didn't step back before those troubled eyes, but kept walking to Chris, destroying all the walls the other man had built to protect himself. An there, behind the magnetic turquoise of Keller's eyes, Beecher could see all the hidden secrets of the other man; innocence lost too early in life, dreams that had been mutilated over and over again and the pure fire of the passion this man used to face life. A life that was destroying him every step of the way.
Toby shuddered, breaking the spell and noticing that the darker man appeared to be scared.
-"Toby- Chris whispered knowing of Toby's power over him- , I don't know what you want. I don't even want to ask".-
-"You always complained that I left you alone, don't you?"-
Chris raised his head and stared at the ceiling. He didn't want to face Toby, knowing that if he did it, he was lost.
-"Look at me Chris"-
The younger man was now leaning against him.
-"You are going to regret this"-
-"I need... to feel... just once more- Toby's whispered sensually- and I can only do it... with you"-
Chris felt his blood glaze; he was incapable of answering.
-"And ... what about me? What about my needs?"- He managed to say.
It was something that neither man had planned. They came closer and closer until their lips brushed, timidly at first, more and more passionately later. The mouths fussed together like that was the place where each other belonged.
-"I won't let you go- Chris crooned on Toby's ear- I won't let you escape"-
Toby pulled apart a few inches and smiled, leaving Chris perplexed.
But Toby couldn't finish the phrase. Chris locked him in his arms, banishing any distance between their bodies. He was trembling, knowing that Toby, the one who always ran away from him, was back in his arms showing a passion that Chris thought he had left in Oz.
They broke apart to draw some air to their lungs. Chris felt his head spinning from excitement.
-"You use me like a hobby, Beech. Is this my punishment for not being what your parents and your society would like?- he grabbed some golden hair strains gazing at the blond man with a mixture of love and hate- Is this my punishment for making you love me?"-
-"You still can seduce a nun out of her habit- Toby said latching at Keller's neck, his body burning under the borrowed sweats- But there is not need of seduction now. I want to be with you... now."-
Toby didn't know how to beg. His desires, his wishes and dreams came out in a commanding tone. Chris knew that very well, but never in the curse of their strange relationship had Beecher been so authoritative about their sex life. And because of that, there was nothing in this world capable of stopping Keller now, even if that meant loosing himself to the other man.
He grabbed Toby by the hips, undressing him, wanting to be skin to skin to the other man. Beecher's erection, evident and defying, crashed against Keller's body. Chris was reaching heaven by the way the ex prag was kissing him.
-"Damn you... Beecher..."-
Feeling the younger man's fingers through his short cropped hair, Keller knew with an astonishing certainty that if Genevieve took Toby away from him again, he would grant her her wish.
Chris would kill her.
Beecher undressed him and two carved bodies, glistening with perspiration, collided now on top of the bed, without other barrier than sweet hot skin. Chris hand traced Toby's nose with his fingers. He couldn't take it much longer, but that nose that was the antithesis of his own, had always fascinated him. So once again he worshiped it with his hands, his weapons.
With his curse.
He always caressed it before making love with the other man.
Before fighting a duel with Tobias Beecher.
-"My nose- Said Toby, well knowing what was coming next- seems to fascinate you"-
-"It's like you.- answered Chris- Cute and daring. It fits the features of an angel"-
Toby pulled Chris over, making him lay over him.
-"The features... of a demon"- Chris said through his teeth.
And Keller let out all his sexual experience; all the tricks he had picked up with an army of faceless bodies. Men and women without name or story. He kissed and caressed Beecher in the way he knew will be the younger man's undoing.
And Toby gave himself to the game like never before, in an all new way for Chris. Something he didn't even do when the darkness of their old pod in EmCity was the perfect cloak of their fucking. Beecher was writhing in pleasure below him and was touching him back without reserves or taboos, making Keller crazy with need.
Everything was fair play in that duel.
Keller let his hand wander on Beecher's crotch, and smiled when he heard Toby gasp.
-"Will you... leave me?"-
Toby just kept heaving.
-"I'll torture you if you do"- Chris threatened.
The lawyer opened his mouth, and his summer sky blue eyes focused on the ceiling above them when he felt his lover's hand fondling his balls. His breath coming in short gasp as Chris made him feel again.
-"I'll tie you to my bed. You won't be able to leave here ever again"-
Beecher smiled. It was an unexpected gesture full of sensuality and lust. In his sculpted face was drawn the most perfect happiness. And Chris thought it was the most beautiful sight in the world.
The darker man didn't stopped there; he kept kissing, caressing and touching the younger man with more fervor. He wanted to commit every detail to memory, as if eleven years of relationship weren't enough. Because for the first time since that wonderful millennial lock down, Toby was feeling, truly enjoying.
Because of him.
He pulled Toby's legs apart and he lay on his knees to kiss his navel with the tenderness of a virgin. Keller knew this was going to be over at some point but the thought only made the want grow so much more. Toby seemed to have decided not left a single trace of Chris after their confrontation.
Keller's mouth moved with a mind of his own, his lips brushing against the enlarged shaft of his lover, tracing tendons and muscles with his tongue, committing to memory every aspect of that part of Toby's anatomy. Time and experiences had stripped the two men, who had met in a prison pod so many years ago, to the very core of love and passion. A kind of love only granted to the madmen willing to live it with total intensity.
For Chris, this was a moment for vengeance. Vengeance against his own life that had thought him not to love. Against his ex wives for not loving him enough. Against Sister Pete, Said and anybody else who had tried to take his lover away. Against Toby for making him love too much.
Because Toby, the lawyer, the prag, the up town rich married man, was forgetting any bow made to anyone but to Keller, and now was giving himself to him; with his body, his actions, his passion. Chris nibbled Beecher's thighs, covering the younger body with his own. Toby caressed Keller's head, knowing that the gesture made Chris mad with lust, happy to know that the one true owner of Christopher Keller's loving kisses was him.
Because Chris belonged to him. And he belonged to Keller.
Afterwards, Toby wouldn't know what had pushed him to open his mouth and say it out loud.
-"You ... belong... to me..."-
Chris sat up and stared at his lover with naked eyes.
-"Since the first day I heard you say those stupid nursery rhymes".-
Toby got closer to Chris, hugging him with all his strength.
-"And I ... belong... to you".-
Neither men said a word. It wasn't necessary.
They were both condemned.
Chris went back to work over Toby's cock, making the lawyer lose his breath. Beecher felt a stab of guilt for leaving his soul mate alone, but Keller's mouth rhythm made him forget anything but the man pleasuring him. Toby asked himself, and not for the first time, how could he even pretend to live without Keller's passion? Why the hell was he keeping away from this man who loved him so savagely, so dearly?
They had been victims of their own feelings as Chris had put it so well.
But Toby was allowing himself to feel something more than guilt. Maybe he wouldn't go back to Genevieve.
That simple thought sent Beecher over the edge; Chris swallowed his come before kissing him, making him taste himself on the other man's lips. Toby loved that because he knew that was the way Keller delimited his territory.
The lawyer chose not to think of how many times Chris had done that before and after being with him.
The older man stretched by his side, watching Toby reach the nightstand and to get the lube and condoms.
-"You are an animal of habits"-
Chris kept silent.
-"I guess is better to keep them handy - said the lawyer- in case..."-
Keller stopped his talk by kissing him savagely and lowering himself on top of Beecher, rubbing their hips together.
-"I'm taking you to the goddamned heaven".-
Toby raised an eyebrow.
-"How many times have you said that? .-
Chris grabbed him by the shoulders, sitting over him.
-"You are the only one who can destroy me, damn prag, only you know my weaknesses!!!!.-
-"Your weaknesses- Beecher gasped when he felt Keller's mouth moving over his neck, earlobes and chest- are part of your strength. You are indestructible".-
-"I'm a survivor- he bit him, furiously- The perfect evolution of a fucking machine".-
Chris parted Toby's legs and started rubbing some lube on his cock when the blonde man stopped him.
-"Don't you wanna...?"-
Beecher sat up and pushed Keller under him.
-"I'm going to give you a taste of your own medicine".-
Toby made the other man moan with expert brushes over Chris balls. Then he lowered him self over his cock and took it in his mouth staring at his lover, happy to see how Chris was loosing the battle for control.
Sucking Chris cock was a personal favorite for Toby. He loved the sensation of power over the other man that the action gave him. Watching him writhe and moan in pleasure over him, Beecher cursed Sister Pete, Said, Schillinger, Genevieve, himself and every single other person who had tried to keep him away of his one true love.
And he knew this time he would stay with him. There was no way in hell Toby would leave this man in favor of a life beneath the ice blocks of a fake marriage, because the longing for happiness proved to be too strong to be denied this time.
When Chris finally came, he pulled Toby by the hair saying that his mouth was too precious to be tainted by the come of a sinner. This only made Beecher drink him with more passion. They were kissing again, gathering strength for the final confrontation.
Sometime later, Toby spread more lube over Chris' cock and then placed Keller's hand over his own painfully hard erection. To Chris was a miracle to find this so long lost active side of his lover, then a painful thought crept through his head.
-"Are you...this aggressive with ..her?- Keller asked- Does she knows this side of you?".-
-"Would you mind if I was?- Said Toby, his voice filled with hate, lust and sadism- Would you mind if I was this passionate with my own wife?"-
Chris sat up, pushing Toby's hands over his head.
-"What game are you playing, Beecher?!- he screamed- What the hell do you want from me?!!".-
Beecher's golden curls were framing his face, making him look like a strange combination between and angel and a demon.
Chris swallowed nervously.
-"You own it already, Beech"-
-"No. I've had your body, your passion, your lust- Toby pushed him, freeing his hands from the other man- The same things as many others. I want something of my own!".-
-"I've already said that I belong to you"- the older man shouted.
Toby pulled Chris under him again, straddling his hips.
-"Yes, but you could have said that to many others".
Chris was petrified.
-"You think I'm cruel, don't you? That I have no heart... and maybe you are not wrong. But I need you to believe that I love you, and I need to believe that you love me" - Beecher said as he traced mysterious patterns with his finger on Chris' chest.
Keller kissed him again, this time a string of red blood escaping from their fussed mouths.
-"You miserable little cunt. You are playing with me, making me want you more and more."- Chris whispered on his lover's ear as his hand traveled to his crotch.
-"You thought me the rules of seduction and I mastered them. Anything to trick you into saying and doing whatever I want"- Toby closed his eyes, letting Chris' hand work his magic.
-"If we continue like this - Chris' voice was threatening- the need to control each other is going to destroy us".-
The lawyer smiled opening his baby blue eyes.
-"I've had an epiphany Chris. This is what makes me feel alive.- Toby gabbed Keller's hand and moved it between his butt cheeks- Not the sex, but your ability to set me free, with your touches and words. And that knowledge makes you feel alive too."-
-"You damned ass hole- Chris chuckled, pushing his fingers deeper into Toby's tight hot passage as the blond man moaned. - I set you free and in return you make me your willing slave..."-
The lawyer played with his cock, caressing himself in a way that left Chris petrified with desire. Unwilling to move fearing it was all an illusion.
-"Now, now, Chris. There is no need for reproaches. - Beecher whispered with a voice full of lust and sensuality- right now, I'm your slave as much as you are mine".-
They looked at each other, amazed of the feelings they found in their faces. The lawyer straddling the carrier criminal. Not in a new sexual position, just a new sentimental approach.
Chris decided to get the opportunity to ask what it really wanted to know.
-"Does this mean... that you're not going back to your wife?- Keller asked half dreading the answer so he continued- My love for you is pure. It may be the only pure thing in my God forsaken life, but sick, obsessed thing as it is, is pure".-
Toby smiled and leaned down to kiss him tenderly.
-"Ditto.- He caressed his lover's face tenderly- And that's a NO to your question. Sick, obsessed thing that you are, you are a far more welcomed admirer than ... how do you call her? -
Toby chuckled. - "Ah yes, Genebitch".-
-"So you came all the way from the hospital to seduce me and tell me that you were leaving her?"- Chris was seeing now that Toby had had an agenda the whole time.
-"I needed to see if after what she just pulled, I was still capable of feeling something more than self hatred. If my love for you was strong enough to bring me back to life.- Toby kissed him on the his collar bones- Turns out it was".-
-"You really are crazy, don't you babe?"- Chris said smiling proudly of himself. He felt like he had done something very good for his beloved. That smile proved to be the final reward for Toby. In that instant he knew that he would gladly give up his name, his newly regained reputation, his money and all the material success he could have gained in favor of that smile.
-"And crazy is how you love me the best"- He said as they rolled over again.
-"You are so fucked, Tobe".-
Chris was kissing, sucking and biting every inch of skin accessible to him. He parted the other man's legs, finding the exquisite rush of power that came with the moans and spasms that he provoked in the body beneath him when he massaged his puckered hole with his tongue.
-"I'm... waiting...adorato mio"- Beecher's use of the Italian language, always drove Chris mad. Only Toby knew his family story and only he knew how much Keller loved to be talked in Italian. Seconds later Chris was over him, penetrating Toby with so much force, the blonde man was screaming and scratching his back.
In that confrontation, both men lost and gain everything in an orgy of sweat, pain, blood...
Of love. In his wildest form.
Toby's hands were around Chris' neck, playing with the short cropped hair he found at the back of his head; his tights around Keller's hips pulling them even closer.
Beecher let go of Chris and in a sensual movement, pushed the other man on his back. He parted his legs and straddled Keller's hips with his thighs, impaling himself on Chris' cock, slowly.
He scrunched his face in pain for a few seconds and then, high and mighty as he was, smiled to Chris. He pushed his right palm against his lover's heaving chest as he rode Chris cock, who was completely outstripped by the situation. He knew that even if he was the one `on top', Beecher was in control of the act. And that made him smile wickedly.
He grabbed the lawyer by the hips and stood up to kiss him.
-"Toccato mio- Keller growled- Ti amo".-
Now it was Beecher who went mad with lust and fucked Chris mouth with his tongue as Keller fucked him with his cock. The darker man felt how he was being milked within an inch of his life by Toby's tight ass. Skin slapping against skin, burning with love and desire.
Toby bared his teeth as he moved his hips up and down, fucking him self, moaning without modesty. Chris' hand traveled from his hips to his engorged dick, stroking it in sync with their fucking. Every thrust hit Toby's prostate, making him shudder in ecstasy.
The intensity of the moment made even clearer to Toby that he belonged to the man beneath him and that nothing was more important than Chris' happiness. That's why he let Chris know he wished to change positions, laying on his back with his legs on Keller's shoulders. Chris pushed inside him again, laying over him, trapping Toby's cock between their bellies. Within seconds, Keller was coming with every inch of his spent body and Beecher was spilling his come between them.
Heaving heavily, Chris rolled over and out of Toby. He was glistening with perspiration and love, something unsuitable of the `Killer Keller'. He laid his hand over Toby's come covered belly, and with the semen wrote something on the lawyer's chest: Ti amo.
I love you.
Toby felt his heart skip a beat or two with a bitter sweet sensation. Chris was the only one capable of setting him free and he wasn't even half aware of how much he was loved by Beecher. So he let Keller brand him as his once more and caressed his head before taking his hand on his, intertwining their fingers together.
Chris shook when Toby took his hands to his mouth and kissed them, redeeming them with such a simple act. He wanted to ask a thousand questions at the same time, but he didn't. Toby hugged him tight and Chris burrowed closer to his beloved, knowing that they were about to face a hard time. Again.
With that gesture, both men showed that there wasn't a love so destructive and at the same time more constructive as theirs. Toby knew that a part of the salt statue that was Tobias Beecher, Esq. - the living part- was the result of his love of Christopher Keller.
And silently thanked his wife for helping him find his way home.
Adorato mio--- My adored one, my beloved
Toccato mio--- My crazy one, my mad one
Ti Amo--- I love you
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