Oz: The Musical Oz: The Musical by Owl The Prag Song - Tobias Beecher (apologies to Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim) Scene: Em City. Beecher and Keller are sitting at a table. Beecher: Chris, I don't want to talk about Schillinger anymore. Every time I play that game, I lose. Let's just let it go. Keller: Toby, what are you crazy? He killed your kid, man, he turned you against me, are you just gonna let him get away with it? Beecher: Well, I killed both his kids, more or less, isn't that enough? Keller: Nah, Vern don't know Hank's dead, and *Vern's* the one that killed Andy. He's still walkin' 'round here like king shit. Tell me, Toby, you gonna be his prag *forever*? (This last comment sparks a fire within Beecher, he jumps up, kicks his chair away) Beecher: Yeah, Chris, aren't you? When you're a Prag You're a Prag all the way From your first up the ass To your last dyin' day When you're a Prag They will do what they please Though there's hacks all around I guess nobody sees! You're never alone You always get molested You're ass ain't your own And blow jobs are expected Though I've objected! Then you are set With a tatt on your cheek Which you'll never forget I gave Andy a peek When you're a Prag You stay a Prag! (A crowd begins to gather around Beecher and Keller, including Cyril O'Reily, Peter Schibetta, and Kenny Wangler.) Keller: You're right, Toby, I was Vern's prag, and I'm ready to make him pay, once and for all. Beecher: All right, I'm with you, who else? Cyril: Well, I don't know what all those big words mean, but Vern is a very bad man. Can I help? I can take him, I can beat him up! Peter: Does one time count? It was Adebisi, not Schillinger, but I don't care, I just want to be part of a gang again, please? Keller: Yeah, sure, fine, whatever...Wangler? What's with the outfit? Kenny: Yo, I heard the singing, I thought these were the auditions for South Pacific. But, hey, I was Adebisi's prag, I'm in. Peter: In, out, let's get crackin'. Beecher: Where you gonna find Vern? Cyril: It ain't safe to go into their territory. Keller: He'll be at the dance tonight at the gym. Peter: Yeah, but the gym's neutral territory. Keller: Peter. I'm gonna make nice with him! I'm only gonna challenge him. Kenny: Great, Daddy-o! Keller: So listen, everybody dress up sweet and sharp. Meet Toby and me at the dance after ten. And walk tall! Peter: We always walk tall! Cyril: We're Prags! Beecher: The greatest! When you're a Prag Beat 'im off with a stick Take a shit in his face Take a bite off his dick When you're a Prag You don't ever break free Fall in love with a man Then he hurts you with glee The Prags are in gear A Schillinger we're turnin' His Dad'll steer clear 'Cause ev'ry son o' Vernon's for drugs is yearnin'! Here come the Prags But our plan went to hell Someone snatched my two kids Someone sound the death knell Here come the Prags Little Hank, step aside There he goes underground Left behind a young bride All: We're drawin' the line, So keep your grandson hidden We're hangin' a sign Says "Schillingers forbidden" And we ain't kiddin'! Here come the Prags Yeah! An' we're gonna knock Ev'ry last buggin' gang On the whole buggin' block! On the whole buggin' ever-lovin' block! ********* Ev'ry Time I Take A Bite - McCullum and Nino Schibetta (apologies to Cole Porter) Split screen: McCullum in solitary, sitting on his bed, half-chewed arm in his lap, looking slightly bored/Nino in his pod, lying in bed, rubbing his stomach with a grimace, gazing up at the ceiling... McCullum: Ev'ry time I take a bite, I die a little Schibetta: Ev'ry time I take a bite, I wonder why it sparkles McCullum: Why the hacks around me, who must not have a clue Check so little on me, they allow me to chew Schibetta: When dinner's here, there's just a touch of *grit* throughout it I can hear a mick somewhere, begin to laugh about it Tits so firm and rounded, but it seems by schemes I'm hounded and pounded Ev'ry time I take a bite Together: Well it's clear, there's something rather strange about it I can hear the doc despair, tell us to change our diet There's no hope for us now, just the pain and strain to somehow not say ow Ev'ry time we take a bite ******** If Ever I Would Leave Oz - Kareem Said and Poet (apologies to Lerner & Loewe) Scene: Em City. A drugged Poet stumbles out from behind the stairs, plops himself down at a table, and looks around at the spinning room. Said is standing outside his pod, hands on the rail, surveying his domain. Said: If ever I would leave Oz It wouldn't be in summer Staying true, my brother I never would go And my pardon from Devlin Was all just a game The longer I'm in here Just adds to my fame Poet: If ever I would leave Oz It couldn't be in Autumn Though I know I oughta I can't seem to go (breaks into rap) Yo, I was there at the signing Sellin' my new book Dude came at me gunning Turned me back to a crook (music resumes) I love Simon's hot soup Drugs under the stairs Recit'n in the mess hall They stay in their chairs Said: And could I leave Tim back in EmCity as the boss? Though on a wintry evening He's more faithful than Trish Ross If ever I would leave Oz, How could it be in Springtime With this lovely decor I don't need a real mosque Together: Oh no, not in Springtime, Summer, Winter or Fall No, never could we leave Oz At all. ********* Fifty Ways To Kill A Convict - Ryan O'Reily (apologies to Paul Simon) Scene: Laundry Room. Ryan and Cyril sitting on the washers. Ryan puts his arm around Cyril's shoulders. Ryan: Cyril, we need to talk about something. About if I ever get sick again. Cyril: No, Ryan! I don't want you to be sick anymore! Ryan: Cyril, Cyril, calm down. I'm not sick. I'm just saying, if it ever happens, I want you to be able to protect yourself. Cyril: I can box, I'm good at boxing. Ryan: I know, bro. But sometimes boxing isn't enough. (hops off washer) Let me explain... The problem in prison - if you're caught you're history The answer is easy if you proceed carefully I'd like to share some things that have worked well for me There must be fifty ways to kill a convict That said, the secret is to start another feud A little war so that the killing will be by another dude You can remove yourself, a relaxed air you can exude There must be fifty ways to kill a convict, fifty ways to kill a convict You just bash in his head, Fred, cut off his prick, Nick You can stab him with specs, Rex, just keep it from me Or zap in the tub, Bub, you don't need to clean up much Just leave him in flames, James, where no one can see Bash in his head, Fred, cut off his prick, Nick You can stab him with specs, Rex, you just get away clean Zap in the tub, Bub, you don't need to clean up much Just leave him in flames, James, where no one can see Si said, this time from violence we must refrain I wish there was something we could do to make Nino feel pain I said, I'm with you on that, so let me please explain about the fifty ways I said, why don't we both just crush and grind this glass He will believe, after eating, he's begun to feel some gas And then he bled out and Si realized I probably was right There must be fifty ways to kill a convict, fifty ways to kill a convict You just bash in his head, Fred, cut off his prick, Nick You can stab him with specs, Rex, just keep it from me Or zap in the tub, Bub, you don't need to clean up much Just leave him in flames, James, where no one can see Bash in his head, Fred, cut off his prick, Nick You can stab him with specs, Rex, you just get away clean Zap in the tub, Bub, you don't need to clean up much Just leave him in flames, James, where no one can see ********** Stay Up Late - Chris Keller (apologies to Talking Heads) Scene: Sister Pete's office. Pete looks at her watch and quickly grabs a lint brush from her desk drawer. Just as she finishes a clean sweep of her blouse, Chris Keller walks in. Pete: Now, Chris, I've only agreed to see you again because I had a long talk with Cyril, and he thought it was a good idea. Chris: Well, thank you Sister, I'll have to buy the kid a lollipop or somethin'. Pete: Okay, let's get to work. Before we...(ahem)...parted ways, we were just getting to the bottom of your relationship with Tobias. Chris: Yeah, see, I was hoping you could help me with that... Pete: Now wait a minute Chris, we are not playing that game again! Chris: No, no, not like that Sister. I have been to the dark side, I have seen God's wrath, I would never hurt you like that again. (a wistful look passes over Keller's face, as if he's reconsidering that last promise, but he quickly stifles it to address the task at hand) I've been giving this a lot of thought - in fact, Beecher is all I've been thinking about... Vern he had a bitter Toby The plan was, make him weep He was just a little plaything Why not fuck him up Cute cute, little Toby Let's go wrestle, let's play chess Now he's comin' to me From across the laundry room {Refrain} Toby, Toby, please let me hold him I wanna make him stay up all night Sister, sister, this is the real thing I wanna make him stay up all night Yeah I do See him drink from a bottle See us break all his bones Stab, stab, both of us hurt Then he went'n made my New Year's great And we've had a fight, I get shot at Little kisses on my scar Then he lost his little babies Did he really think I'd go that far? {Refrain} Yeah I do See me pee in a bucket See me burn off my hand Flirt flirt, a new Toby Mondo wanna make him stay up late And we're having a conversation Little smile on my face I still love my little Toby I just want to make him stay up late {Refrain} Here we go, all night long Sister, sister, all night long In the bedroom, woo, all night long Little Toby goes, ha! all night long Ah, I know you don't believe me Ha ha ha, Why don't we pretend There you go, little nun Cute cute, why not Late at night, wake him up {Refrain} Here we go, ha! all night long Sister, sister, woo, put the red beret on Little Toby goes foo, all night long Hey, hey, Toby, all night long And he looks so cute, all night long In his birthday suit, all night long Rock on, all night long All night long All night long All night long ********** Don't Cry For Me Miguelito - Father Ray Mukada (apologies to Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber) Scene: Mukada's office. A newspaper sits on his desk, folded open to a story with the headline "Escaped Prisoner Still on the Run." Mukada is standing by his window, staring off in the distance. Feels so uneasy, it's such a strain Waiting by, hoping for your return You left me here, Miguel, after all we've been through I made you feel such Love for your baby and grandfather too Although they both got sick and died At least Ricardo got to know you And then there was the riot, full of disdain Wouldn't stop all the beating on me Looking out for your brothers, knowing I'd understand Still I stood by you When you attacked after blinding a screw The SORT team came in from the hall I was so protective of you {Refrain} Don't cry for me Miguelito The truth is I have not left you I see your dark eyes Begin to smolder, I'm still there lurking Over your shoulder You drank your urine, were so ashamed I smuggled some sandwiches in But the drugs went away and you tried suicide Then Pete intruded Wouldn't let me be in the new program with you Why can't she see that you are mine It just left you confused and blue {Refrain} Do I care too much? It's just you know I'm responsible for your soul You took a part of me with you that night you chose To escape with the Mole {Refrain} ********* They Can't Take That Away From Me - Simon Adebisi (apologies to George and Ira Gershwin) Scene: Em City. Adebisi lying on the floor, bloody, life slowly draining away. His "spirit" rises from his body, gives a sneer to the concerned onlookers... The way I wear my hat The way I suck my teeth The stalking of the rat Oh, no. They can't take that away from me The way I wear my socks The way I sing Keeennny The way I tie up Bricks No, no. They can't take that away from me We may never, never meet again On the twisted road to hell But you'll always, always keep These memories so well... The way I raise one brow The way I scratch my booty The way I will drop trou Oh no. They can't take that away from me The way I fork my hair The way I kiss O'Reily The way my nostrils do flair No, no. They can't take that away from me No, they can't take that away from me ********** Somebody Come and Play - Cyril O'Reily (apologies to Sesame Street) Scene: Em City. Cyril is sitting at a table, looking very sad. Ryan is standing nearby, scheming with Keller. Hill is rolling by, but stops when he sees Cyril. Hill: Cyril, what's the matter? Cyril: *Somebody* is too busy to play with me. Ryan: Cyril, I *told* you, this is important! Isn't it time for Miss Sally? Cyril: *No*, it's not time for Miss Sally. (turns his chair away from Ryan in a huff) Somebody come and play. *Somebody* threw my life away! Somebody said my mind's a child's I lost my ball Went down the hall But I don't want to play that way Somebody come and play. Somebody take bad dreams away! *Somebody* makes me fight the fights And bad is good Can that be right? But I don't want to play that way Somebody come with me and see the horror that is Oz Somebody come before that bad man rapes me again Somebody come and play. Somebody came to play today! I just want them to be my friend, But something bad can't be good again No, I don't want to play that way Somebody come and play. *Somebody* tells me look away! *Somebody* rocks his bed at night And moans and groans Until daylight Well I *might* want to play that way ********** (Bonus Track: I only changed one word throughout this song, so it's not really part of the musical, but I couldn't resist, it fits so well.) I am Muslim, hear me roar - Kareem Said (apologies to Ray Burton and Helen Reddy) Scene: Em City. Adebisi lies dead on the floor. All eyes turn to Said... I am Muslim, hear me roar In numbers too big to ignore And I know too much To go back an' pretend 'Cause I've heard it all before And I've been down there on the floor No one's ever gonna Keep me down again {Refrain} Oh yes I am wise But it's wisdom born of pain Yes, I've paid the price But look how much I gained If I have to, I can do anything I am strong I am invincible I am Muslim You can bend but never break me 'Cause it only serves to make me More determined To achieve my final goal And I come back even stronger Not a novice any longer 'Cause you've deepened The conviction in my soul {Refrain} I am Muslim watch me grow See me standing toe to toe As I spread my lovin' arms Across the land But I'm still an embryo With a long long way to go Until I make my Brother understand Oh yes I am wise But it's wisdom born of pain Yes, I've paid the price But look how much I gained If I have to I can face anything I am strong I am invincible I am Muslim Oh, I am Muslim I am invincible I am strong END (for now ;)