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 Story Notes: This was written for the 2005 Lyric Wheel Challenge. It's 
Based on Oz Season 6, episode `A Failure to Communicate'. I still feel 
that one particular scene was cruel but usual punishment. With no 
offense intended towards the writers, *wink wink*, Tom Fontana and 
Bradford Winters, I've done a little editing. The beginning of 
this fic starts as we saw it on TV. 
The title is a military acronym started during WW2, but most 
frequently used during the Vietnam Conflict and it's still in use 
today. Some might be familiar with the word but not the meaning; 
Situation Normal All Fucked Up. The effect of the SNAFU principle is 
a progressive disconnection of decision-makers from reality. And 
just another bit of trivia, the next step would be TACFU, Totally 
And Completely Fucked Up and ending with FUBAR, Fucked Up 
Beyond All Repair. Formatting fic to be posted is TACFU while some 
relationships can be considered FUBAR. 
Lyrics Provided By: cg (mandysbitch) Thanks for supplying 
me with a few to choose from. 
Song Title: Either Way from the album Lost and Gone Forever. 
Artist: Guster 
Beta assistance: Beecher Jean (magickslash)the 
bestest of the best. I can't write without her because I'd 
have no one to share very deep B/K discussions including the 
proverbial 3-way. And she's just so darn funny! Thank you 
sweetie. All mistakes are mine. 
Feedback: Yes, it's food for the writer, even though I'm probably still 
behind in doing the same thing. 

  
  SNAFU by Rifka  

 SNAFU

 Sister Pete: Thank you, Officer. Good morning. Keller: Hello, gorgeous.
Sister Pete: Ah, we're in that kind of mood of mood, huh? All right, under
a new state law, every six months I have to review the mental health of
every resident on death row, and now it's your turn. So, how's your mental
health? Keller: Well, Beecher seems to think my days on death row are
numbered. Sister Pete: Yeah, I know. I saw him earlier. Keller: How'd he
seem to you? Sister Pete: Well, he's obviously grieving for the loss of
his father and Said. Keller: Yeah, I mean, other then that. Sister Pete:
What are you asking me, exactly? Keller: Beecher's in love. Sister Pete:
Really? Did he say so? Keller: I can tell. Sister Pete: And how does that
make you feel? Keller: I don't know. Sister Pete: Come on, Chris, don't
bull me. How does that make you feel? Keller: Happy! Sister Pete: For him?
Keller: Yes. Sister Pete: And for you? Keller: Jealous. Sister Pete: And
what are you going to do with that jealousy? Chew on it? Suck on it?
Devour it whole? Keller: Yeah, okay? Beecher has what I want! I want a
life! I get executed and he lives a long, old life surrounded by his
grandchildren. I want a life! You can't expect me not to be a little
envious. Sister Pete: Sure, I can. If you truly love him, I expect that
and more. I'll write in my review that you're behaving normally.

 ~~**~~

 Keller stares at her, not believing she was really ending their session.
Just like that. His composure is back and he says,

 "Were you always this cruel? Or is it just me? Were you ever kind to
anyone besides Beecher? He was right, he's seen that other side of you;
you *are* a cunt."

 "What difference does it make to you, Chris? You've lived long enough to
know life is cruel, it's not fair, and it's not what we hoped it would be.
Life rarely turns out the way we want it to."

 "Oh right, you gotta wait till you've been `chosen'. I forgot that for a
second. How come Beecher gets chosen over and over again? How come I have
to stay here and rot? He was born with that silver spoon in his mouth, why
not me?"

 "Chris, I do have to meet with other inmates. Let's make another
appointment. Guard!" She motions to the CO monitoring her office. She
looks through her appointment book and says,

 "How about we meet..."

 Chris stands and stares down at this diminutive woman; a woman who has
failed pathetically so many times, yet still exercises the authority of
her position.

 "No! You can't just bring me in your office for two minutes and then
dismiss me with a wave of your hand. I gotta get this shit off my chest.
You're reviewing my mental health, right? Then goddammit, review it! I'm
not gonna be in any condition to be executed because I'm losing my mind! I
don't want to end up like Cyril playing with some puppet in the corner of
some fuckin' cell."

 As the guard enters, the good nun shakes her head to indicate she doesn't
need him after all. She stands up so Keller doesn't tower over her quite
as much, even though it means leaving the protection offered by her space.

 "Sit down, Chris. Why don't you tell me what else you're feeling?"

 "Jesus Christ, Sister. I just can't sit down right now."

 "Ok, then pace around the room if you think that will help."

 "Look it, we go back a long way, you and me. You know me, I've spilled my
guts all over you desk and I..."

 "And you showed me your other side too. It happens every time we meet;
you manipulate me the same way you do Tobias. And don't you dare stand
there and deny it." She stands as tall as possible, shaking her finger at
him.

 "All right I won't deny it," he said, his jaw muscles twitching to a
primitive beat. "But you forgave me you knew why I did it. I love Toby and
I've proved it to you and him over and over again. I'll always love him."

 Sister Pete cleared her throat, waiting to see what fork in the road he'd
take next.

 "How can you can just stand there and bullshit me?" Chris said licking
his dry lips.

 "Would it really make a difference if I admitted I cared more about
Tobias than I do about you? That's part of your jealousy too, isn't it?"
she said.

 "You're damn right it is. Toby could have come in here and told you the
same thing I did and you would have sat down real close to him and then
given him what I deserve," he said.

 "Why do you think it's either him or you? That I can only be there for
one of you? Isn't that a little childish, `Mom likes him better'? I'm not
Tobias's mother and I'm not yours, so please Chris, tell me what do you
feel you deserve?"

 "Sister Pete, this is said with respect because you're a nun and all, but
can you stop with the `how do you feel' crap? I feel with my fingers and
my hands. I feel with my mouth and my tongue. I feel with my cock and my
ass. How do you `feel' Sister? Do you ever feel anything for anyone
besides yourself? Can't you ever give anything? Some hope? Some compassion
to those of us who don't have anyone? Maybe just a little something to
hold on to? I have to hold on to something cause I'm losing Toby for good
and I can't, I can't do it. I can't go it alone. I just can't."

 Chris quietly paces around the room stopping by one of her plants. He
leans over the pink flower and draws in the scent... perpetually
imprinting it on his brain. It's just another glimpse into what he'll
never have.

 Sister Pete thinks to herself, I'm not quite sure how to handle Chris...,
this aspect of him, explosive, yet at the same time he's so desperate,
calling out for help. What does he need? How can I help him when he feels
so helpless? He's so lost without Tobias. It must be killing him, giving
away this side that he's always kept so private; so hidden I doubt he
shared this with Tobias to the extent that he is with me right now. I'm
sure he's talked with Tobias about missing him, but when I talked to
Tobias earlier today he gave me no indication Chris was in such bad shape.

 She watches as Chris finally sits in the chair, slouching, his head in
his hands, his long slim fingers rubbing the top of his head trying to
control his breathing, trying not to give away anymore of himself than he
has to.

 But he's already open, raw and exposed. And there's more. Will she
listen? Really listen?

 "Chris? Chris I know how you..."

 He barely lifts his head and looks at her. "You know what?" All the while
thinking she doesn't know jack shit about anything.

 "Well, you have this tendency to manipulate certain situations to your
advantage. Are you trying to manipulate me now?"

 "No, not this time," a twitch in his jaw giving away the turmoil he
fought to restrain.

 "You have to believe me. I don't know what I'm going to do. I know
Toby'll get my murder conviction overturned and he'll get Taylor off my
back. But what do I do when he no longer has a reason to come visit me?"

 "You don't know that for sure. It's only natural for him to get on with
his life. Maybe he is in love like you say. Maybe he'll make a new life
with this woman, have his family back. But I don't think he'll ever forget
you."

 "Before he was released, I told him I was real glad he'd get to spend
some time with his kids and I really meant it. I asked him... I said,

 `Don't forget me' and he said,

 `Never'.

 But when he came back to discuss the legal stuff, I asked him what it was
like to be free. He talked about spending time with the kids and then he
told me about Holly's teacher. And that's when I knew for sure. I can
always read Toby's face."

 `You'd love her; she makes me laugh out loud.'

 Chris whispers it; still feeling the sting like the first time he heard
it. The same burn just like a shank to the heart.

 "She makes him laugh out loud! How many times in this place did we get to
make each other laugh? She hardly knows him but she makes him laugh! I
never got the chance to do that Sister. I don't get it. How can you stand
there and expect me not to be jealous when he's going to live to see Holly
and Harry's kids some day and in all likelihood my execution is right
around the corner? I know Toby won't forget me, he can't! There's been too
much that's gone on between us. But not forgetting me is not the same
thing as not coming back here to see me. I have no one to see on visiting
day. No one."

 "Your ex-wives don't visit anymore?"

 "No, I've sort of discouraged them from coming. They've got their own
lives to live. And coming here once in a while for a make-out session
doesn't help them or me, know what I mean?" he said dejectedly.

 Chris fixes his gaze on her, his face accusatory.

 "You said Toby will make a new life with that woman. I never said it was
a woman. It could have been another man. He told you about her, didn't he?
He told you he loved her didn't he? You acted like you knew nothing about
it. Why'd you go and do that?" he asked.

 "Do you really want my honest opinion Chris? Do you think you can handle
it?"

 "Yeah I think I can fuckin' handle it. Isn't it why we're meeting?"

 "Don't you... don't you realize why Tobias needed you while he was here
in Oz? Sometimes Tobias is needy in the way he has to be with someone, in
how he yearns for human contact."

 "And what about me? I need human contact too, to be touched and ..."

 "Yes, I realize that but he fell in love with you only while he was in
here. He's really not bisexual or gay. He needs to be with a woman, that's
who he is. If he met you on the outside, do you think the two of you would
have had a sexual relationship, or *any* type of relationship for that
matter? Chris, I don't think Toby would have given you the time of day."

 "You don't know that for sure! I don't know that! But Sister, it did
happen! Whether you like it or not, *we* fell in love. Not just me, but
Beecher, he fell... in... love... with... me! You still don't fuckin' get
it do you? I was giving up my life for him because I loved him, I wanted
him to be free and be with his children. I wanted him to forget all this,
all the shit that's Oz. You knew I lied about having Hank killed but you
didn't tell anyone I lied, did you? You didn't give a fuck. You only cared
that I'd finally be out of Toby's life for good."

 "That's not necessarily true. I really believe you were chosen to do it.
It was a forgivable sin. I just want Tobias to be happy."

 "But you don't care about me?"

 In a voice as cold as death she said, "Chris, there's poison in
everything you say, everything that you do. Especially when it involves
Tobias. Step on a kid and he'll grow up hating you. Who stepped on you
Chris? Either way, what difference does it make? He's free and you're not.
You'll not be able to ruin his life anymore. So, like I said a half hour
ago, I'll write in my review that you're behaving normally. Officer!"

 The End

 ~~**~~

 Song Title: Either Way

 You were almost kind You were almost true Don't let me see that other
side of you. You have learned in time That you must be cruel I'll have to
wait to get the best of you.

 Poison in everything you say, Don't you don't you. Wonder what difference
does it make Either way.

 You were almost kind You were almost true Why give away that other side
of you. Happens every time So it must be true Step on a kid he'll grow up
hating you.

 Poison in every thing you say, (Don't you don't you) Wonder what
difference does it make Either way.

 Were you ever kind Were you always cruel Who has ever seen that other
side of you. Happened every time So it must be true Where did you learn
it's either him or you.

 You were almost kind You were almost true Don't let me see that other
side of you. You have learned in time That you must be cruel I'll have to
wait to get the best of you.

 Poison in everything you say, (Don't you don't you) Wonder what
difference does it make Either way.

  Please send feedback to Rifka.