My Sister's Pregnant with an Alien Love Baby!

Candace Loogosphy, Roswell Enquirer
May 9, 2001

In an exclusive interview with the Roswell Enquirer, Kyle (last name withheld by request) revealed that his sister, Tess, is in fact carrying an alien love child. Kyle isn't sure what to think. "First of all," he told us, "She's still in highschool! What kind of mother does she think she could be? Is it even fair for her to take on that responsibility?" Kyle's concern for Tess is magnified by the fact that this is an alien baby. "I mean, what kind of handful could that be? It's already glowing and making her stomach all funky. What if it can fly or something? How would she look after a flying baby?"

Kyle, a Buddhist, refuses to name the father, saying that he's been "strongly warned away by the Alien Mafia. You just don't want to mess with that guy." He does, however, have a few words about the character of the father.

"I don't know. I mean, the guy saved my life, and that's cool and everything. Buddha says you have to love the guy who saves your life. Or something like that. Thing is, he's always wandering around, all 'I'm the king, do what I say', and that gets kind of old, you know? Plus, he's so intense. Does he even know how to have fun? What kind of father would he be, always being all intense and worrying about destiny?"

In the opinion of this journalist, the father *does* know how to have fun, seeing as how sex is necessary for procreation. At least -- I think it is. Who knows, with aliens? [See companion story, Hot Lovin', Alien Style!]

Although Tess is being closely guarded by her family and the Alien Mafia, we have heard reports that both she and the alien baby are not doing well. An anonymous male caller stated, "She's sick. The baby can't breathe the Earth atmosphere." This does not bode well for the future of the alien baby and its family.

By all reports, the baby is growing quickly, although Tess does not appear to be freakishly large. Other than the fever and the occasional red glow, Kyle says that she is physically unchanged. "Who knows how long that will last, though. Those aliens, you never know what's coming up next. It could be teenage angst, it could be governement experiments, it could be bizarre mutations. Who knows?"

It certainly sounds like there's angst here. Tess and Kyle, as well as the baby's father, recently suffered the loss of a close, human friend. Says Kyle, "It really was a shock. And Ma--the father was all freaked out because he couldn't heal Alex. And then all this other bad karma happened. It's been a rough time."

In an anonymous telephone interview, a woman claiming to be the sister of the father had several comments to add. "He and Tess have only been together for a little while. At least, on this planet. So, he's kind of freaked, he thinks maybe he was irresponsible, and the fact that the baby is sick is making him feel worse. We're really not sure what to do. And what if the baby looks like an alien when he's born?"

Rumour has it that Tess herself is an alien. After protracted investigation, stymied by stubborn local law enforcement, this journalist found that Tess is in fact not the biological sister of Kyle. Rather, she is an orphan and only recently began to live with Kyle and his father. Although she looks human enough, it is possible that her appearance is not her true form.

Even more suspicious is that Tess' 'father' is a high ranking police force member. This journalist wonders if there is some kind of alien cover up taking place. Why are these aliens here? Why are they breeding? Is Tess' pregnancy part of a much wider-spread alien breeding program? Is the government aware of this? Should the American public be involved? Is this a threat to national security?

However, in all of these speculations, the true crux of the matter threatens to be overlooked: the wellbeing of the alien baby. Says the father's sister, "If we can't find a way to heal the baby, and make him able to breathe the Earth atmosphere, he'll die. It's possible that Tess could die too. The only other option is to go back to our own planet. We're not sure if we're ready for that yet, and we're not even sure if we can return."

Perhaps it's time for E.T. to go home.

~~

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